


You Will Be Found

by Kurtswish



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:34:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurtswish/pseuds/Kurtswish
Summary: While on a National Broadway Tour, Kurt meets an intriguing man. With more than just miles separating them, they must make a choice. Will they go back to their different lives, or will they let themselves be found?TW: talk of suicide, depression and brief mentions of character death(canon).Thank you to Buttons'n'Bows for being a great Beta as always!Story is complete and will update daily!
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 47
Kudos: 81





	1. Prologue

The buzz of the crowd ebbed and flowed in anticipation. The nearly blank stage only housed the hint of a small bedroom. A twin bed with end tables, one slightly off set, was illuminated by blue light, while screens reflected graphics from a computer. Blaine could feel the excitement of the audience as he nervously alternated between flipping through his program and taking in the space around him. He loved the anticipation of a show about to begin, sometimes he missed it more than he did the adrenaline of being on the stage. He was just glad that he could still enjoy the thrill on this side of the curtain. 

The lights began to dim around him and a hush fell over the crowd. There was the sound of a cell phone ringing followed by a cacophony of voices filling the area around him. The lights came up and on the bed was now a boy in a blue striped shirt sat on the bed. His anxiety filled monologue began and his nervousness was palpable. As Blaine sat watching him interact with his mom, it reminded him so much of the kids in his group back home. 

The first song began and Blaine became lost in the lives of the people on stage. He _knew_ these people. He knew parents just like the ones up there, feeling so lost but wanting so desperately to help their kids, he knew the kids were so lonely yet, trying to act like they weren’t. The young man, Evan, he was so real, his nervous tics and mannerisms so true to life Blaine couldn’t help but be drawn in. He couldn’t help but cringe as Evan was called a freak and pushed violently to the ground, the lights shifting to blue. And then he opened his mouth to sing. 

If Blaine thought he was mesmerized before, it was nothing compared to listening to the man sing before him, so desperate and lonely it brought tears to Blaine’s eyes. He couldn’t help but hold his breath. His heart aching as Evan sang out in anguish, his voice expertly vacillating, his movements matching. 

Blaine sat through the first act watching as Evan entrenched himself more and more in his web of lies. The show was funny and heart wrenching at the same time. Tears filled Blaine’s eyes and he didn’t stop them from falling as the act drew to a dramatic close with “You Will Be Found.” The music seemed to drill into his chest, shaking him to the core. His brain seemed to go into overload with the mixture of images and sounds and emotions bombarding him in the most exquisite way. It ended so abruptly Blaine almost felt like he had to gasp for breath. And with a kiss and a few final notes the stage went dark. 

Blaine couldn’t move for a moment as applause rang around him. He just sat staring at the stage as the audience began to move. A young woman pushed her way by him and the spell was broken. He flipped through his program until he found the cast bios. The one he was looking for was right at the very top. 

**Kurt Hummel- Evan Hansen**

**Kurt is honored to be sharing Evan with audiences across the country. Broadway:** **_Book of Mormon_ ** **(Ensemble, McKinley u/s)** **_Aladdin_ ** **(Ensemble) NYC/Regional favorites:** **_25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, Hairspray._ ** **New York Academy of Dramatic Arts MT Honors. Thanks Dad and Carroll for everything. In Memory of Mom and Finn.**

By the time the show ended Blaine’s face was once again wet with tears. Seeing Evan grow more confident on stage, his mannerisms reflecting the change, only to lose everything once more was excruciating to watch when everything in Blaine screamed for him to help. It was like watching one of his group kids spiraling out of control. He held it together until “So Big, So Small”, but seeing Evan looking so small in his mother's arms pushed him over the edge and he let the tears fall freely. The sniffling sounds around him let Blaine know he was not alone. He stood with the rest of the audience as they applauded their appreciation to the cast. When Evan, Kurt, came out Blaine’s hands began to ache he was clapping so hard for the extraordinary talent the man had displayed on stage. 

As he was walking out of the theatre, Blaine noticed a small crowd growing around a door on the far side of the building. A sudden urge came over him and he changed his course to join them. Blaine was never one to stage door. He understood that the actors were just people. At one point in time, Blaine had toyed with fantasies of being on stage, of being a full time working actor. He was happy with his choice now, he felt he was doing what he was meant to do. He was making a difference. He felt the need to let Kurt Hummel know he was making a difference too. 

Blaine stood back as the crowd of mostly teenagers welcomed the cast as they trickled out looking tired but pleased. Pictures were snapped and autographs signed. Every time the door opened heads would turn. It seemed Blaine wasn’t the only one waiting for Evan to emerge. Finally a cheer rose up from the crowd as the door revealed the man Blaine had been waiting to see. He waited patiently as Mr. Hummel signed, chatted and took selfies with those waiting. The crowd was dwindling and still Blaine stood back and watched the interactions around him. It wasn’t until Kurt turned around ready to head back into the theatre that he took his chance. 

“Mr. Hummel,” He called to the retreating figure, who turned around looking surprised. 

“Mr. Hummel? I don’t think anyone has ever called me that before.” He smiled. 

The contrast between the character Blaine had just spent two hours watching him play and the man that stood before him was huge. Kurt held himself with confidence, if not a little weariness, that his character even at his best lacked. His smile was soft and genuine as he waited for Blaine to say something. 

“I just wanted to say that that was the most powerful performance I have ever seen. Thank you so much for portraying mental health struggles in such a true and compassionate way. I know a lot of kids that could benefit from seeing a show like this, so thank you.”

Blaine could feel his face heating up as he spoke. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to say but he felt flustered standing there with the small crowd around him and Kurt looking at him. Kurt pressed his hand against his chest and huffed a breath, his smile soft. 

“Wow, thank you so much. That… that is probably the best compliment I have gotten. I’m glad you enjoyed the show.”

He reached down and took Blaine’s program from his hand and hastily scrawled his autograph across the top. 

“Thanks for coming to the show. Have a great night, you made mine.” he said as he handed the program back to Blaine.

Blaine felt a little deflated as Kurt turned around and headed back inside the theatre. He looked down at the program in his hand. _Thanks for making the world a brighter place- Kurt Hummel._ Blaine smiled and began to walk across the parking lot to his rental car. 

_Maybe,_ he thought, _Coming back to Ohio wasn’t such a bad idea after all._


	2. Chapter 1

Coming back to Ohio was one of the things that Kurt dreaded the most when he got his tour schedule. It had been years since he had had to step foot back in the state and the idea had filled him with dread. He hadn’t been back since the funeral, his parents opting to spend holidays with him in New York, before finally moving to Connecticut. 

The actuality of the situation was not as bad as he had feared though. Tuesdays show had gone amazingly well, the audience was fantastic, and he had received one of the best compliments at the stage door. Giving an honest portrayal of mental illness had been one of his goals when he had accepted the role. He knew what it meant to be in that dark place and he wanted to treat it with the respect it deserved. 

He had received compliments before, of course. Every night at the stage door was full of them, but there was something about the young man and his earnestness that touched Kurt more than the others. 

Sitting in his hotel room, looking at the plethora of menus scattered around him, Kurt was suddenly filled with nostalgia those pieces of paper couldn’t fill. He longed for the familiarity of home and what Ohio meant to him. He knew there was no way he could get an Uber to take him to Lima and to the Lima Bean, and he knew no home cooked meal could wait for him at their old house, but he yearned for something that spoke of home to him. He thought about growing up, of celebrations, and coming back to visit, of what made those times feel complete. Only one place popped into his head,  _ Breadstix. _ A crappy chain restaurant serving faux Italian food with stale bread sticks shipped in by the truckload. There was just something about that place that tugged at Kurt’s heartstrings. This would be the first time back in Ohio that Kurt wouldn’t be going. 

_ Or maybe not,  _ Kurt thought. He had the evening off, his alternate took every Wednesday evening and Saturday matinee show. He was supposed to be on vocal rest, but ordering at a sit down restaurant was not much different than ordering take-out. His decision made, he pulled out his phone and ordered an Uber to the closest Breadstix he could find. 

The lobby was full when he entered, a surprise for a Wednesday night for sure, but Kurt didn’t mind waiting. He loved people watching, it was a great exercise in character study. He took in the families and groups around him making up stories to pass the time. He hated being on vocal rest, it made him feel disconnected from the rest of the world, but when he was alone, even in a crowd it was more bearable. That was why he never went to the theatre on off nights, plus it was hard to watch someone else inhabit his role. He was watching a little girl dancing around in a twirly dress when he heard a voice behind him. 

“Excuse me, you’re Kurt Hummel, right?” 

Kurt turned to see a vaguely familiar face staring back at him, looking apprehensive. 

“Yes?” 

The man rubbed the back of his neck, “I saw the show last night, it was absolutely breathtaking. I just wanted to tell you again, great job.”

Suddenly it hit Kurt who this was, he was the man from the stage door the night before, “I remember you,” Kurt smiled, “You were at the stage door.”

The man rubbed his neck again, “Yea, I’m in town for a conference and seeing your show seemed better than discussing Billing Practices in Modern Psychology. I was right.”

Kurt couldn’t help but laugh, “I’m not sure if that is a ringing endorsement or not.”

“Trust me, it is. I mean don’t get me wrong, billing is probably my least favorite aspect of the job, and I don’t know who would want to sit through 3 hours of talking about it, but the show was stellar.” The man smiled at Kurt. 

“You’re a Psychiatrist?” he asked. 

The man shook his head, “No, Psychologist. I was more interested in therapy than being able to prescribe drugs. Most of the conference has been enlightening but I swear they choose the most mundane subjects for their evening lecture series.”

It suddenly hit Kurt, “I shouldn’t be talking to you!” He exclaimed. 

The man looked taken aback, “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll just let you go then.”

Kurt realized just how rude he sounded and grabbed the man’s arm as he turned to walk away, “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I’m supposed to be on vocal rest, that is why I am not at the show tonight. But I’m sure a conversation over dinner wouldn’t be the worst thing for me as long as I don’t belt out an entire show. Would you care to join me? That is, if you are here alone.”

He didn’t know why he did it, but seeing the man’s dejected face had pulled at something in Kurt. 

“I’m here alone, but I don’t want to cause you any trouble, really.” 

Kurt smiled again at him, hoping to ease any worries he may have, “No trouble at all, but it would be nice to know your name.”

“Oh my god I can’t believe I was so rude,” the man shook his head, “I am so sorry, Blaine Anderson. And I would love to join you.”

Kurt approached the hostess to let her know of the change. 

“Right this way Mr. Hummel, I was about to call you,” she said, grabbing another menu and roll of silverware. 

She seated them at a table in the middle of the room, Kurt felt exposed, but had to remind himself he wasn’t actually in Lima. Although the interior was shockingly similar, he was miles away from his hometown. He opened the menu and was not surprised that it hadn’t changed either. He laughed to himself and Blaine raised an eyebrow in question. 

“Sorry, it just amazes me that nothing has really changed about this place. Same menu, same decor…”

“Probably the same batch of breadsticks,” Blaine quipped. 

“I take it you are from around here.” 

“Originally, although I moved to New York right after high school. Don’t tell me you are from Ohio too.” Blaine replied. 

Kurt let his eyes rove over the menu although he knew exactly what he was going to get. “Born and raised in Lima, Ohio. Moved to New York before the ink was dry on my high school diploma. I have only been back a handful of times since.”

“Do your parents not still live here?” Blaine asked, taking a sip of his water. Kurt suddenly felt like this was a therapy session.

He shook his head at Blaine, “They moved a couple of years ago, but please don’t try and psychoanalyze me. We are both off the clock, remember.”

Blaine’s laugh was boisterous, “Sorry, I guess sometimes my mannerisms come off a different way than I intend. I promise this is not a session, I was just curious.”

“But really,” Kurt continued, “My Dad and stepmom moved to Connecticut a few years back to be closer to me. My dad likes to joke that I only took the tour so he couldn’t come to every show. He would try if he could.”

“It’s great that they are so supportive. When I was younger I wanted to go into Musical Theatre, my dad was wary. My brother was a struggling actor at the time, and he wanted at least one of us to have stability.” Blaine shrugged his shoulder. 

“Is that why you went into Psychology?” Kurt had to ask.

Blaine shook his head, “Not really. I mean I always had a dream of making art and helping people. My junior year, I was trying to decide where I wanted to apply to college, I even looked at your Alma Mater. Then my senior year I took a psychology class and I was hooked. I just knew that was how I was meant to help people. Everything just clicked.”

“How did you know where I went to school?” Kurt asked, a little taken aback. 

Blaine chuckled, “It was in your bio, silly. I promise I am not some out of control fan boy. Although I must admit I am a fan. I went online last night and entered the lottery for all the remaining shows you have while I am here. The show just spoke to me.”

It was Kurt’s turn to laugh, “Well good luck with that, just know that if you win for the Saturday matinee you will have an entirely different Evan.”

“Is he as good as you?” Blaine teased.

Kurt shook his head, “Actually, I wouldn’t know. He may be better. If I’m not careful he could take my job.”

“Impossible.” Blaine sounded so earnest Kurt just stared at him while he continued. “I can’t imagine a more perfect Evan. The details you put into your performance were mesmerizing.”

“You clearly haven’t listened to Ben Platt, I know everyone compares me to him- that’s okay, he was amazing. I wish I had had the chance to see him live.” Kurt tried to shake off Blaine’s praise. 

Blaine’s smile faltered, “I’m sorry, I made you uncomfortable, didn’t I?”

Kurt sighed, “It’s not you, I guess I just have a hard time accepting most compliments. I mean, I know I am doing something right or I wouldn’t be here, but it’s just weird to me. Although I do have to say your comment last night meant the world to me. I just want to be authentic and respectful.”

“You are,” Blaine said emphatically. “That is what I meant by your details, just everything you did was spot on, from a professional point of view.”

And Blaine winked at him. Kurt had to look away to try and keep his blush at bay. Blaine was teasing, not flirting, clearly, but Kurt couldn’t help his response. Blaine was a handsome man, with dark swooped back hair, and expressive hazel eyes.  _ Maybe inviting him to dinner was not such a good idea.  _ Kurt thought. 

The waitress saved Kurt from having to reply. Both men were ready with their drink and food order. 

“I know there are hundreds of better places to eat in New York, but there is just something about this place that makes me feel at home.” Kurt sighed just thinking about his tortellini alfredo. 

“God, I know what you mean. They were having a high end Italian place catered in for dinner tonight and all I could think about was Breadstix lasagna. How ridiculous is that? I'm glad I decided to come here. Thank you for inviting me to sit with you. Honestly all anyone wants to do at those conferences is talk shop. They all want to pick my brain even before I present on Friday. It is almost enough to make me want to hide away in my hotel room until after.”

“Controversial topic?” Kurt asked. 

“Unfortunately yes, although it shouldn’t be.” Blaine laughed.

“And?” Kurt prompted.

Blaine looked confused for a moment, “Oh, I’m speaking on Handling LGBTQ Issues in Clinical and Group Practices. The bulk of my research has been on LGBTQ and mental health. It is a cause close to my heart, but some think I am too close to the subject matter to be completely objective.”

“How so?” Kurt asked, not wanting to jump to any conclusions about the man. 

Blaine shook his head, “Some are of the mind that as a gay man, I can’t impartially lecture on standard practices.”

“Well,” Kurt began his voice slightly breaking on the word, “I would think that you are in a unique position to offer wisdom on the subject.”

Kurt took a sip of his water and almost choked when Blaine asked, “Did I make you uncomfortable again?”

“No,” Kurt coughed, “why would that make me uncomfortable?”

Blaine shrugged his shoulder feigning nonchalance, “Some people are uncomfortable socializing with gay men, although I would hope in your business that wouldn’t be the case with you.”

Kurt tried to hold in his laugh, but it burst out unbidden. “My dating prospects would be even more barren if I refused to socialize with gay men.”

Blaine joined in his laughter. “I guess being in Ohio has put us both on edge.”

“It does have that effect doesn’t it.” Kurt said. “I'm glad we are only here for the week. I know there are more homophobic places in the country. Logically, I know this but it’s too personal here.”

“Is it harder being here? I mean, to do your show?” Blaine asked. Kurt looked at him for a moment, trying to figure out if his concern was purely on a professional basis, but he just looked interested. 

“Not yet, I mean some days are always harder to come out of “Evan’s mind” as I call it. Last night I came out fairly quickly, but it was a lot easier to slip into his mind than usual. I’m doing okay.” Kurt’s face broke into a huge grin as he saw their food coming. “But none of that matters right now, because we have food.”

Blaine laughed as he turned in his chair to watch their waitress navigate her way to their table. She sat their plates down and wished them a good meal. 

Kurt took a bite of his too hot food. He should have been embarrassed at the noises he made while trying to cool it down without spitting it out all over the place. Even Blaine laughing at him did nothing to ruin his mood as he finally was able to taste the food in his mouth.

“It tastes exactly the same way I remember it. I don’t know why I love it so much. I’ll admit, I’ve had better. It just tastes like home, you know?” He said scooping up another spoonful, blowing on it to cool it down first. 

Blaine carefully cut up his lasagna releasing steam into the air. His fork held a more reasonable bite than Kurt’s. He closed his eyes as he took a bite. “Just like Mom used to order,” he quipped. 

They ate in silence for a while, and surprisingly Kurt felt at ease. He was halfway through his plate when he asked, “So how long are you in Ohio?” 

“My plane leaves Sunday morning. I have patients first thing Monday. I thought I would get to see my parents while I was here, but they are on a cruise; since the last lecture is Saturday morning, I may just change my flight to an earlier one.” He answered before taking another bite. 

“What and miss an opportunity to see your favorite Broadway tour again?” Kurt teased. 

Blaine’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He shook his head before asking, “When you are not on tour, do you live in New York? I know you mentioned your parents live in Connecticut.”

“Well, I guess, technically right now I don’t live anywhere. But yes, before I got the tour, I lived in New York. Now I live out of one suitcase while the rest of my stuff sits in storage at my parents house.” Kurt took the last bite of his food and began looking around for their waitress. He needed cheesecake STAT. 

“How long have you been on tour?” Blaine asked, pulling Kurt’s focus back to him. 

Kurt thought for a moment. “Oh, I guess it has been about a year and a half. I can’t believe it has been that long.”

“Do you think you will go back to New York anytime soon?”

Kurt sighed, “I mean I want to. My contract is up in around 5 months, and I don’t know if I will renew it. I think I could do this show forever, but the constant travel - it gets to be a lot. I think it depends on what prospects I have. I’ll have to get my agent to look at what auditions are coming up. It is a balancing act. I don’t want to be without work for too long. It’s not like most jobs where you know you can be hired somewhere else. It takes luck and great timing.”

“And talent,” Blaine interrupted. 

“Yes, and talent, but it takes a lot more luck and timing than anything else.” Kurt amended. He spotted their waitress and waved her down. 

“I would love a slice of cheesecake and some coffee when you have a moment.” He said to her. 

She turned to Blaine, “Just coffee for me, thanks”

“You are seriously going to make me eat dessert by myself?’’ Kurt said with mock offense. 

Blaine held up his hands in apology, “Hey, I would kill for some tiramisu, but I don’t think my stomach could handle it. I’m already stuffed as it is.”

“In my defense,” Kurt said daintily, “I burn a lot of calories on an average day. Not to mention, there is always room for cheesecake.”

The waitress set their cups of coffee in front of them, along with a small carafe of cream. Kurt watched in amusement as Blaine added way more sugar than was necessary to his coffee. He noticed he skipped the cream. Kurt used liberal amounts of both. 

“Do you live in New York proper?” Kurt found himself asking. 

Blaine nodded as he swallowed his mouthful of coffee. “I live in The Garment District now. It's a nice change I used to commute from Jersey everyday.”

“Nice,” Kurt commented, “I lived in Harlem, I always loved The Garment District though.”

Kurt wanted to squeal with delight as the waitress placed his plate of cheesecake before him. He had to hold in his urge to groan at the magnificent taste. 

“One thing you can always find no matter where you go, is great cheesecake. Don’t get me wrong, some places are better than others, but it is really hard to mess this up. I don’t care how many miles I have to run, what I have to do, I will never deprive myself of cheesecake as long as I live.” Kurt opened his eyes to see Blaine staring at him, his lips upturned in the slightest smile. 

“And that is the very definition of self care, finding what makes you happy and not talking yourself out of it. As long as it is not harmful of course.” 

They continued talking about Ohio and New York life as Kurt devoured his dessert and Blaine sipped his coffee. Things were nice and pleasant until the check came. 

Blaine snatched the check off the table before Kurt could even set his coffee cup down. “Wait. We should split it. What are you doing?”

Blaine gave him an almost stern look, “Please let me thank you for letting me crash your evening. You didn’t have to invite me to join you and this was so much better than eating all alone.”

“I could say the same for you. If not for you I would have been sitting here in complete silence.” Kurt argued back.

“Then let this be thanks for one of the best evenings I have had in a long time.” Without waiting for a reply he slipped his card in the folder and held it to his chest as he waited for the waitress to return. 

“You really don’t have to,” Kurt said, not ready to concede. 

Blaine shot him a soft imploring look, “I want to. Really.”

Kurt didn’t object anymore as Blaine handed the folder to the waitress. Blaine signed the receipt and they both stood. Kurt pulled out his phone and began to open the Uber app. Blaine seemed to notice what he was doing and placed his hand gently over Kurt’s. 

“Let me take you back to your hotel, so you don’t have to wait.” 

Kurt knew he should protest, knew he should just bid good night to him and go their separate ways. A larger part of Kurt wanted none of those things. He had enjoyed talking with Blaine and wasn’t ready for it to end. 

“As long as you promise not to blog about where we are staying. Broadway fanatics can be a little much sometimes.” 

With no trepidation, Kurt followed Blaine to his car. “I hope this isn’t too far out of your way,” he said as Blaine followed the directions on his GPS. 

“It is actually pretty close to my hotel,” Blaine said, “Plus I miss driving. As much as I love New York, sometimes I miss just being able to get in my car and just drive, my music playing, enjoying the scenery.”

“That used to be one of my favorite things when I lived at home. But after being on a bus touring around the country, it’s lost a little of its appeal. Although I think this is a lot nicer than the bus.”

Kurt could see his hotel coming up and made a split second decision. He picked up a yellow legal pad from the floor. He pulled the pen off and flipped to a blank page. There he scribbled his number and a little note. 

Blaine pulled up alongside the front doors of the hotel and Kurt got out of the car. “Thanks for the ride and good luck with the lottery. I hope you get to come back.”

“Me too,” Blaine beamed.

Kurt gently tossed the notepad on the seat before shutting the door behind him. He didn’t dare glance back as he walked through the lobby doors. 

It wasn’t until he was back in his hotel room, vocal rest officially starting again that he thought about what he had written there. 

Under his phone number he added,  _ In case you get tickets, let me know. Or if you just want to talk. Thanks for the wonderful night. - Kurt _

  
  



	3. Chapter 2

It had been 3 days, and Kurt still hadn’t heard anything from Blaine. He didn’t know why he had given the other man his number, just like he wasn’t sure why he had invited him to dinner. The conversation was nice, he had a wonderful sense of humor, and how handsome he was had very little to do with it. Kurt was on tour for who knows how long, there was no point in starting any kind of relationship, friendly or not, when he would be darting across the country at random. That didn’t ease the disappointment Kurt felt at hearing nothing from Blaine. 

He tried to push his thoughts away and focus on becoming Evan. He was in costume, stage makeup in place, his cast was on his arm and his voice was warmed up. He closed his eyes feeling the changes that were necessary to get into character. He started at his feet and slowly worked his way up his body. He imagined his feet being slightly too big for his body and his ankles looser. He willed his dance training to leave his calves and knees. Kurt took a deep breath and focused on his hips, squaring them up, and tightening the muscles. 

His phone buzzed on his dressing table, breaking him from his trance. Kurt sighed as he picked up his phone. A text message was waiting from an unknown number. 

**1-876-643-6976-The theatre gods are not smiling down on me. Lucky Seat hasn’t been so lucky, no tickets for me. I go back to New York tomorrow. I tried to go to the box office and buy a ticket outright, but they were sold out. I really wanted to see you again.**

Kurt felt his heartbeat quicken at the admission. He knew it was Blaine, and he wanted to see him again. A smile was just beginning to upturn his lip when the phone buzzed in his hand. 

**1-876-643-6876-I mean I wanted to see the show again. This is Blaine Anderson BTW**

Kurt deflated a little. Of course Blaine had meant the show. He quickly sent a message back before shoving his phone in his bag, where it wouldn’t distract him again. 

**Kurt-I’m sorry you couldn’t get a ticket. I’m getting ready for the show now. Have a safe trip back.**

It was a little easier to slip into character when he closed his eyes again. He felt just a little less confident and self-assured than he normally was. His hands began to fidget and he pulled his arms closer to his body. His head ducked and let in all those emotions he always tried so hard to keep at bay. When Kurt opened his eyes he felt like Evan. He paced his dressing room, thinking of teenage insecurities until places were called. 

When the show was over, Kurt was completely emotionally and physically exhausted. Some days following a show, he would be invigorated by the performance, but this was not one of those days. Instead, he had felt everything he portrayed all too deeply. Even though the show ends with hope, he still felt on the verge of tears. He was not looking forward to the stage door tonight. He slowly removed his costume, placing it on the correct hanger. He grabbed a facial wipe and cleaned his face. 

Sometimes just removing the reminder of Evan was enough to make the transition back to himself easier; it just wasn’t working. He reached in his bag to pull out his phone. He needed music to lift his spirits before facing the masses. 

Kurt turned on his upbeat playlist while he finished getting ready. He tried to dance along, tried to infuse his movements with positive energy. Finally he felt a little less close to tears and a little more ready to plaster on a smile for those waiting at the door. He took a last look around the space, making sure he had everything he needed for the night before grabbing his bag and heading out. 

It felt like forever before they made it back to the hotel. While the rest of the cast and crew dispersed to their rooms, Kurt walked up to the front desk. He had used the last of the coffee in his room before they left for the theatre and he knew he would not be functional in the morning if he didn’t get more. He waited while a family of four checked in. The oldest child was playing with a potted plant in the corner, but the baby was staring wide eyed at Kurt. With a chuckle, Kurt started making faces at her, much to the child’s delight. He was a little disappointed when the receptionist handed them their keys and the little girl disappeared with her family.

“May I help you, sir” the man behind the counter asked. 

Kurt turned his smile to him, “Yes, My name is Kurt Hummel and I am in room 438. Is there any possible way that I can get a couple of more packets of coffee?”

“Of course sir,” he said and began to open a drawer to his left. He stopped in mid-movement and looked at Kurt. “I’m sorry did you say you were Mr. Hummel?”

“Yes.” Kurt answered, confused. 

“I’m sorry, we had someone drop a package off for you this evening. We don’t have a reservation under your name, just the pseudonym your company manager gave us. We weren’t sure which room was yours. I was going to give it to the company manager when you checked out. One moment and I will go get it.” The man laid two packets of coffee on the counter before heading through the door behind him. 

When he returned he had a fairly large blue gift bag in his hand. Kurt took it, a little unnerved that someone apparently knew where he was staying. He thanked the receptionist and went to his room.

Once safely inside, he grabbed the envelope on the outside of the bag and slit it open. Inside was a piece of yellow tablet paper. 

_ I really wanted to make it back to the theatre to see you again. I wanted to give this to you in person. I know you said there were only a few things you missed about Ohio and were sad you couldn’t make the trek to the other. I had some free time so I got this for you. Since I know every hotel was different, I wanted to make sure you could use it no matter where you go. -Blaine. _

Kurt furrowed his brow as he removed the tissue paper from the bag and looked inside. He pulled out a large box, a single cup coffee maker. Beside it sat two coffee bags. He pulled them out.  _ Surely not,  _ Kurt thought. Indeed they were two bags of Lima Bean Mocha coffee. He barely even remembered mentioning the Lima Bean, or loving their Mochas. It was a throwaway comment, it wasn’t even something they discussed at length. Kurt picked up his phone not sure exactly what he wanted to say, but knowing he needed to say something. 

**Kurt-Thank you so much for the coffee. That was really thoughtful of you.**

He knew it was late and there was a high likelihood that Blaine was already in bed, Kurt was almost certain he had said something about having an early flight. He still just stared at his phone hoping for a reply. His screen was starting to dim when a bubble with three dots chasing each other appeared. Kurt sat up straight in shock. Finally a message popped up on the display. 

**Blaine-Can I call you?**

Kurt hated how he had to respond. 

**Kurt-I can’t talk. Physically I can’t talk right now. I’m on vocal rest. I have a show tomorrow. Texting is always best with me. Sorry.**

He really hoped that Blaine wouldn’t be put off by only being able to text. Kurt just wanted a friend.  _ You can’t have too many friends,  _ he reasoned with himself. 

**Blaine-I didn’t even think of that.**

**Blaine-But texting is nice too.**

They texted back and forth as Kurt got ready for bed, changing into his pajamas, properly washing his face and moisturizing. They continued to text once Kurt was snuggled in his overly large and unfamiliar bed. They texted about life in New York and Ohio, about music and books, and escaped down rabbit holes of stories from their lives. It wasn’t until a jaw-cracking yawn erupted from Kurt and he looked at the time that he realized that they had been texting back and forth for hours and it was entirely too late for both of them. 

**Kurt-Don’t you have an early flight in the morning?**

**Blaine-Shit is that really the time?** . 

**Blaine-I guess I should go, at least I have the day off tomorrow. You should get your rest.**

Kurt looked at the words on the screen. He didn’t want to let Blaine go, he wanted to learn more about him, wanted to know more. However, he did have a show to think about. He sent a tentative reply.

**Kurt-Can we chat later?**

He waited on tenterhooks for a reply. 

**Blaine-Of course! Text me when you finish with your show. Good Night Kurt.**

**Kurt-Good night Blaine.**

Kurt turned off his phone and lay in the darkness thinking about what he had done, about all they had said. He pulled the spare pillow to his chest wanting to hold something, needing to feel connected. He felt so unsure of himself, alone in his hotel room. He kept thinking about what it all meant as he slowly drifted off to sleep. 

Kurt slept later than usual, Cameron’s pounding on the door finally breaking him out of his sleep. “Just a minute,” He called to the door. 

He lay there for a moment trying to access what was going on.  _ Running, I’m supposed to go running,  _ he finally thought. He hated running on an empty stomach, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. No time for breakfast, no time for coffee. He needed to get dressed and go before Cameron could persuade one of the housekeeping staff to open Kurt’s door for him. Kurt didn’t doubt he could and would do it. He hurriedly switched his pajama pants for running shorts and pulled on socks and his running shoes. 

When Kurt opened the door Cameron was standing there a smug look on his face. “I didn’t interrupt your Sunday morning wank-fest, did I?” he asked. 

Sometimes Kurt wondered if playing Jared was rubbing off on Cameron, or if they were really just that much alike. Kurt just rolled his eyes. 

“Nope, just slept in. I was up late texting with a friend.” 

They walked toward the elevator. It wasn’t until they were in it and descending to the lobby that Cameron replied, “Which friend?”

“Like you know any of my friends,” Kurt deflected. 

They stepped out of the elevator. “I know that, but you said you don’t text after shows because your friends are all going to bed by then. You Skype with your parents every Sunday afternoon, so it wasn’t them. Who was it?”

As soon as they were out of the lobby Kurt took off jogging, hoping Cameron would drop it. Unfortunately, Cameron wasn’t out of shape and kept up with Kurt easily. He kept slapping Kurt’s arm, urging him to answer until finally Kurt gave up. 

“It was my friend Blaine.”

“Wait, isn’t that the guy you broke up with when we started rehearsals? Y’all were totally having phone sex weren’t you!” Cameron laughed. 

“God, no.” Kurt exclaimed. He knew that was the response Cameron was looking for, and he couldn’t help but give it. “First of all, his name was Malcolm, not Blaine. I don’t know how you can get those two mixed up. And even if it was him, there was a reason we broke up. So, no!”

“God you are just too easy Hummel.” Cameron continued to chortle.

Kurt put on an extra burst of speed. He was tired but he would do anything to put a little distance between them. He tried to keep his mind clear as they ran, tried not to think of Blaine or Malcolm for that matter. He was doing a fairly good job until he had to stop at an intersection and Cameron caught up with him. 

“Sorry, man, I didn’t know it was still a sore subject. Don’t be mad.”

Kurt huffed out a breath, “It isn’t a sore subject really. I broke up with him, and Blaine has nothing to do with it or him or anything. I’m just tired and I didn’t get my coffee.”

At the mention of coffee, Kurt’s mind drifted back to the Lima Bean coffee waiting back at the hotel for him all thanks to Blaine. Blaine who after one night, had given him such a sweet gift. Blaine who was also probably now back in New York so many miles away. Kurt was being stupid. Here he was crushing on a guy he barely knew and had no hope of seeing anytime in the near future. He ran and thought about what he should do. 

Cameron didn’t seem to mind Kurt’s silence as he thought about all the cons of even keeping up communication with Blaine. Blaine was older, he had to be, Kurt was only 24. He knew that it usually took 8 to 10 years to earn a master's degree, plus Blaine at least had enough clout to speak at a conference, so he figured he couldn’t be too new to the subject. What could he possibly see in Kurt? Surely he had other older more distinguished men he could date?

Blaine was back in New York, he had patients, he couldn’t come and visit Kurt on tour. Kurt knew the company wouldn’t be back in New York state for months, so who knew when they could actually spend time with each other. There was so much that New York had to offer, why would Blaine want to waste evenings texting with Kurt, when he could be out enjoying the city? He would surely rather be out attending galas and wine tastings than being stuck at home texting with Kurt. 

Blaine was a good looking man, why would he waste time building a relationship with someone he couldn’t see. Surely, he had tons of dating prospects closer to home and easier to get to know. He also probably didn’t want to text all the time like a teenager. Kurt was sure he was a lot more sophisticated than that. With the way Blaine looked, he didn’t  _ have _ to wait on Kurt.

Thought after thought piled up in Kurt’s mind. So many reasons and he finally convinced himself to stop communication with Blaine altogether.  _ It’s for the best,  _ he reasoned,  _ we can both move on with our lives. It was only one evening.  _

They were stopped at another light, the hotel in sight when Cameron finally spoke again. 

“I think it is great you were texting with a friend last night,” he said. “ It really is good to have friends you can talk to outside of the cast and crew. I mean don’t get me wrong, being on tour is great and we are like family, but even in families you need someone else you can talk to. I was just giving you shit. Don’t take it to heart.”

_ Maybe Cameron is right,  _ Kurt thought,  _ It is always good to have friends you can talk to.  _

“You’re right, thanks,” Kurt said, forgetting who he was talking to. ,

Cameron gave a shit eating grin, “I always am. But if you do start having phone sex you have to tell me!” 

The light changed and Camreon took off cackling. 

It took a moment for Kurt to take off after him, shaking his head as he went. 

Back in his hotel room, Lima Bean coffee was just as good as he remembered. He sipped it as he took inventory of his day. They had to be at the theatre by noon, so he would eat lunch before then. Once there he would have his traditional pre-show routine and then the show. When that was over he would pack his personal things from the dressing room and then head back to the hotel for his Skype date with Dad and Carole. Then he would text Blaine. 

Maybe. 

_ I could text him right after the show just to let him know it was over,  _ he thought. But then again he didn’t want to leave his father waiting. 

Kurt wasn’t sure at all what he was going to do. He would just have to figure it out as things happened.

Kurt was in his dressing room, packing his personal belongings when his phone buzzed on the counter beside him. 

**Blaine: How did the show go?**

Kurt smiled. 

**Kurt: Show is finished, including the stage door. Just packing my stuff so we can go back to the hotel while the crew strikes the set.**

**Blaine: You can just text me later if you want.**

Kurt thought for a moment before replying. 

**Kurt: Actually I have a Skype date with my parents as soon as I get back. We could Skype or Facetime if you want to? No vocal rest tonight!**

He waited, actually holding his breath until Blaine’s reply came.

**Blaine: I would LOVE that. I’ll SEE you soon then ;)**

  
  



	4. Chapter 3

The bus was bumping its way down the highway, speeding them to their next destination. Kurt wasn’t sad to see Ohio behind them. He smiled as he thought about it though, Ohio hadn’t turned out so bad after all. His mind wandered back to last night as his castmates' conversations buzzed around him. 

Burt had clearly been worried about Kurt. The lines in his face had been deep set and his eyes wary when he had answered the call. He did seem pleasantly surprised when Kurt gave him a genuine, if tired, smile. Kurt told them about the wonderful audiences they had had. He even told them about sneaking off to Breadstix for old times sake.

He made no mention of Blaine though. Part of Kurt had wanted to, but he talked himself out of it. It wasn’t as if he told his father about every new friend he made in New York.  _ Why should Blaine be any different _ , he reasoned. 

Blaine had given him a tour of his apartment. It was larger than the one Kurt had shared with his roommates before going on tour. It was brightly lit and open in a way their cramped space was not. They had talked about so many random subjects until Blaine had noticed Kurt’s eyes drooping. 

Kurt looked around the bus, most of the occupants were congregated in groups of 2 or 3, chatting or playing card games. While the majority of the musicians and crew opted to take their own cars, the cast had pledged long ago to travel together on the bus. Although it would be more glamorous to travel by air every time they moved, they reasoned it was better to keep out of the germ infested planes as much as possible. 

He was glad the tour company had opted for an entertainers bus and not a typical charter bus. The space was roomy for a bus. He was in the lounge sitting on one of the couches a book in his lap to help hide his daydreaming. A small kitchenette was snugly situated at the end of the lounge area across from a small bathroom. 

A curtain separated the lounge area from the sleeping bunks. Kurt knew he could go back to his bunk and get a little more privacy, but he wasn’t ready to be completely alone with his thoughts just yet. 

Beyond the bunk area was an open space they used for staying in shape. Many times Kurt had used the TV to do yoga and dance classes to keep in form sometimes joined by others in the cast. He toyed with the idea of getting up and doing a session of yoga but let that fall to the wayside in favor of not moving. 

He let his mind drift back to Blaine, trying to figure out exactly what he was doing. He was broken out of his thoughts when the couch shifted next to him. He looked over to see Marian giving him a searching look. 

“Spill it kiddo, what’s up with you today?” she said bumping his shoulder with hers. 

Kurt rolled his eyes, she took her role as his mom a little far sometimes. When Kurt was honest with himself he adored her for it, she reminded him of his dad. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

“You are awfully quiet over here, you didn’t even blink when Hannah was showing us the pictures of her prom dress she made out of duct tape.” 

Kurt lifted his head and looked over at Hannah who was talking to her understudy, Emma. He was a little disappointed at having missed that.  _ Was it atrocious or amazing,  _ he wondered. 

“Now you're interested, “ Marian laughed. “But come on kiddo, whatcha thinkin about over here?”

“Nothing,” Kurt said, waving off her concern. She gave him a look and he knew his deflection wasn’t going to work with her. “Nothing I’m ready to share yet. It’s something new, and I am trying to figure it. That’s all.”

“Are you leaving us?” She asked, looking sad. 

“No!” He hurriedly said. “Not anytime soon. Maybe when my contract is up, but not anytime soon, I promise.”

“Good,” She said, patting his cheek. “As long as you promise everything is okay, I will leave you to your thoughts.”

Kurt’s smile was genuine when he said, “Everything is great I promise.”

As she stood to join Helen and Janice, Kurt went to his bunk to lay down. He stared up at the ceiling letting his mind drift and wander at its will, safe knowing that no one was going to interrupt him. He knew Blaine was working. He had patients and a group later. He checked the time on his phone, it was just after noon. He decided to take a chance. 

Before he could second guess himself he Facetimed Blaine. He was just about to give up after the 8th ring, when Blaine’s face was smiling from his screen.

“Hey, what’s up?” he asked. 

Kurt’s smile lit his own face as he replied, “Just bored, hoping you were on a lunch break.”

Blaine lifted a sandwich into frame, “I am. Care to join me?”

“I won’t be eating. I think Cameron ordered pizza for when we roll through Indianapolis in an hour or so.”

“Where are you?” Blaine asked looking past Kurt. 

Kurt laughed, “My glamorous bunk… I have a TV with wireless headphones that I can also connect with my phone. Personal lighting controls and an actually very comfortable memory foam mattress.” 

“And why are you in bed?” Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged, “Traveling always makes me tired. Honestly I think being on the road so long is taking its toll. We have weekly engagements for the next month and then we get to spend a whole month in Chicago. It will be nice to spend some time in one place for a while. I think my parents are going to fly out to see the show and spend some time with me. That will be nice too.”

“That will be nice,” Blaine smiled. “Have they seen the show yet?” 

Kurt watched Blaine take a bite out of his sandwich before answering. “Yes, I took over the tour in LA. Started out as the standby so I was only doing two shows a week for a month before taking over completely. They were there for my first show as Evan. We will be in Connecticut in about six months so I will see them then too. How is your day going?”

Blaine pointed to his mouth as he finished chewing another bite. He swallowed before speaking, “I have clients scheduled all day, well most of the week, trying to play catch up from the conference. I work in a practice so they could have seen another doctor, but some opted to do double appointments this week. At 4:00 I leave here to go to the youth center. I have groups that meet there a few times a week.”

“Like AA?” Kurt asked snuggling down into his bed, 

Blaine laughed, “No, I don’t do AA or NA. They are support groups for teens, one focuses on depression and anxiety, one is for LGBTQ kids, one is just a general support group. A colleague has one for girls only. I tried to start a boys only group, but no one attended.”

“Well, boys will be boys that won’t talk about their feelings.” Kurt joked hoping to hear Blaine laugh again. He was rewarded with the sweet sound. 

“Something like that.” There was a knock at the door and Blaine looked at his watch. “Dang it, I’m sorry Kurt, I have to go. Can I assume you are on vocal rest tonight?”

Kurt nodded, “Starting at 6.”

“Then I’ll text you later.” Blaine smiled. “Bye Kurt.”

“Bye,” Kurt sighed. Once the call was disconnected he rolled on his side and let the rocking motion of the bus lull him to sleep.

The hotel in Grand Rapids was not nearly as nice as the one Cincinnati, but it did have the added benefit of having kitchenettes. Marian organized an outing to find a grocery store to stock up on whatever they wanted. Kurt jumped at the chance. 

Kurt missed homemade food and loved it when he could at least make something small. He picked up a few things he could use to throw together meals without much effort and put them in his cart. When he met Marian, Janice and Henry at the front of the store she looked at the bags haphazardly slung on his arms.

“You know we are only here a week, don’t you?” She teased. 

He leveled her with a serious look, “I won't share if you make fun of me.”

“Not making fun, just making sure nothing goes to waste. I am here to help, always.”

Grand Rapids went well. Kurt went back to his routine with only a few alterations. He still went running with Cameron every morning after eating the hotel's breakfast. However, instead of ordering a late lunch, he made it himself, inviting Marian to share a silent meal with him in his room. It was nice though, Marian could fill the space with her chatter and seemed to understand Kurt without him having to say a word. 

Once Marian left, he would take a long, hot shower, where he would begin his vocal warm ups. He would dry his hair, he missed his coif, but just combing it in a part, made him look younger and fit the role more. He would then be whisked off to the theatre to do the show. Only when he was back in his hotel room could he text Blaine. 

Occasionally they would try to text during the day, but usually Blaine was busy with patients. Sometimes, Kurt felt bad keeping Blaine up just to chat with him, but Blaine’s immediate and seemingly enthusiastic replies made his guilt dissipate. 

Grand Rapids turned into Detroit, and Kurt was sad to see the kitchenette go. It was such a short bus ride, they pulled into their new hotel before lunch time. Kurt holed himself up in his hotel room and chatted with Blaine as he ate. It was freeing the few times he could freely talk to Blaine, not having to worry about vocal rest. It meant they could Facetime or Skype and he got to hear Blaine’s laugh and see his face. It made him more real to Kurt. In these moments he wasn’t a memory or letters on a screen. He was a real life person and Kurt felt like they were the only ones in the world. It was special. 

Blaine was enthusiastically talking about a new Thai restaurant that had just opened up near his house, when a knock sounded at Kurt’s door. 

“One second, Blaine,” he said, walking to the door. When he opened it, the tour manager Tony was standing there. 

“Hey Kurt, can I talk to you?” he asked. 

“Sure, come in,” he answered before lifting his phone to talk to Blaine again. “Hey, I’m going to have to let you go. I’ll text you later.”

Blaine nodded and then ended the call. Kurt turned to Tony who was sitting in the desk chair. 

“Please sit.” Tony requested. 

Kurt perched himself on the edge of the bed, feeling trepidation fill him. 

“I just wanted to let you know that we are going to be giving Henry the Sunday Matinee starting this week. When we get to Chicago, in two weeks time, we are going to change over to 8 shows a week for the rest of the tour. I’ve already contacted the venues and they are adding an evening performance to Sunday, which you will do. So you will only lose a few performances really but we need to make sure that Henry is ready.”

“Of course, “ Kurt sighed, feeling relief flood over him. 

Tony stood up, “Enjoy the rest of your day off.”

Kurt sat on his bed after Tony left. He was relieved that everything was alright, but somehow couldn’t shake off the feeling that he may have done something wrong. Old insecurities are a hard habit to break. He thought about texting Blaine but didn’t want to bother him. He scooted back on his bed and stared at the ceiling trying to figure out what he could have done wrong. 

Later that evening, when Blaine texted him Kurt played it off as no big deal, though it was still eating at him. Their conversation that night was short. Kurt couldn’t keep up his side of the conversation. He went to bed with a heavy heart. 

The next morning, he vowed that he would put his all into the show. He wanted to show everyone that he still deserved the lead role. He poured his all into the character, holding nothing back. When the show was finished he was completely drained, metally, physically and emotionally. It was the first time he couldn’t face the stage door since he started. Instead he hid in his dressing room until the cars were ready to take them back to the hotel. 

Instead of texting Blaine he turned his phone off and retreated to the shower. His tears mixed with the hot water as it ran over his body. When the water ran cold and his tears ran dry, he crawled into bed and let sleep rescue him from his thoughts. 

The rest of the week, Kurt skipped his runs with Cameron and used vocal rest as his excuse to hide himself from his cast mates. Marian kept shooting him concerned looks and like a churlish teenager, he brushed them off with feigned indifference. His phone remained off. Kurt used the loneliness to engross himself in the darkness he remembered from his own adolescence and used it to fuel his performance. Each evening ended in tears and falling into bed completely exhausted.

Sunday a pounding at the door woke Kurt from a dead sleep. He threw open the door ready to give Cameron a tongue lashing like no other only to find Marian standing there a plate of hot food in her hands. 

“You are going to let me in, eat this food and listen to what I have to say,” she ordered as she pushed past him and set the plate on the desk. 

“Sit,” she commanded. Kurt obeyed. 

“Eat.” 

Kurt picked up the fork. At the first bite of food Kurt realized just how hungry he was. He had to make himself take reasonable bites. He wasn’t sure of the last time he had had a proper meal. 

Marian watched him eat for a moment before she sat on the end of his bed. 

“I’m worried about you Kurt. I don’t know what happened, but I don’t think you are okay. I’m not the only one who has noticed. Everyone is concerned for you.”

“I’m fine,” Kurt deflected. 

“No, you’re not.” Her eyes filled with tears. “And you know it. I can’t stand by and watch you in this downward spiral anymore. Do I need to get you some of our merchandise? Do you need the number for the crisis hotline?”

“No,” was all Kurt could say.

“If you wont talk to me you need to talk to someone. I can tell the show is getting to you. It gets to all of us from time to time. But you are letting it. You are using it and that isn’t healthy. And honestly, your performance is suffering for it.”

It was like a punch in the gut to hear her say those words. He was trying so hard to be the perfect Evan and it still wasn’t good enough. 

“The audience may not see it, but I can still see the sadness in your eyes. There is a point where a performance is too real. Please talk to someone. You are like a son to me and I don’t want to lose you.”

A tear rolled down Kurt's cheek. “I’m sorry, you won't. I just…”

“You are amazing, Kurt. Every performance I can  _ feel _ everything you put into the show. It is one of the most honest performances I have ever been a part of. Before, you would always come out of it, but that isn’t happening anymore.” 

Kurt nodded, “I know I’m not. I just… what if they want to replace me?”

Once the sentence was out there, he wanted to take it back. He felt so small and exposed. 

Marian stood up and took his hands in hers, “That isn’t going to happen, at least not unless it is your choice.”

_ “ _ They gave Henry my Sunday matinee, What makes you think they wouldn’t give Matthew my role permanently?” Kurt argued.

Marian looked exasperated at him. “The only way Matthew is going to get your role permanently is if you leave. They didn’t give it to him in LA because they wanted you. He has been on the tour since we started, but they didn’t promote him from standby because they found you. You are exceptional Kurt. You bring Evan to life more fully than  _ anyone  _ I have ever seen. At least you did until you started down this whole, I need to be  _ more  _ in character thing you are doing.  _ But,  _ if you keep this up- no- you can’t keep this up. You have to protect yourself. I’m here to talk if you need me.”

“I know,” Kurt sighed. He knew he could talk to Marian, she really was like a mom to him. He just didn’t want to lay this on her shoulders. “I’ll work on it I promise.”

“Okay,” she said rubbing a hand on Kurt's back. “I’m here if you need me. Enjoy your day off.”

Kurt stood and gave her a long, tight hug. “Thank you. I think I am going to call my dad.”

“That’s a good idea.” She kissed his cheek. 

Before taking out his laptop, Kurt found his phone and plugged it into his charger. When it came to life the screen was full of notifications. He scrolled through them, some were for emails he had neglected for almost a week, a few were from friends checking up on him and there were several from Blaine. 

**Blaine: Are you free to talk?**

**Blaine: Is everything ok?**

**Blaine: How did the show go?**

**Blaine: It’s your day off? Have any plans?**

**Blaine: I guess you don’t want to talk. If you change your mind just let me know.**

The last message was from Thursday, three days ago. A surge of guilt shot through Kurt making his heart ache. He shot off a quick message. He knew he needed to talk to his dad first. 

**Kurt: Hey, I’m sorry. It has been a hard week. I was going through some stuff. Can we Facetime later?**

He wouldn’t have blamed Blaine if he didn’t respond, but a text came in quickly. 

**Blaine: I’ll be here when you are ready to talk.**

Kurt didn’t bother with showering before calling his father on Skype. Burt knew something was off as soon as he saw Kurt. 

“What’s up, Bud?” Burt asked his eyes etched with concern. 

Kurt sighed, “I… I am not in a good place right now.”

“I can see that. Want to talk to me about it?” 

“I let myself get too into my head. I let myself go to that place I told you I would never go again and I didn’t even try to pull myself out. I thought that if I used it, it would make my performance better.” Kurt began crying in earnest, cutting off his words.

“Do I need to call someone?” Burt asked. “Are you going to-”

“No,” Kurt cut him off, not wanting him to even say the words. He hated that he had even thought them. “I’m not there. I just-”

Kurt took a deep breath and explained everything that had happened since Tony came into his room. He let all his fear and insecurities lay bare. Burt listened as he did. 

“It sounds to me like Marian set you straight on this whole recasting thing. So how is everything else in your life?” Burt asked once Kurt fell silent. 

“Things had been going great. I mean there are always nights where it is harder to come out of character than others, but I usually get there before too long.” Kurt said honestly. 

Burt nodded, “You aren’t a teenager anymore Bud. You can’t let those old wounds still haunt you-” 

Kurt opened his mouth to protest. 

“I know you don’t mean to do it, but you just admitted to me that you have been using it in the hopes of improving your performance. You can’t let yourself go back to that place.”

Kurt sighed, his father was right, before Kurt would use fabricated worries to help shape Evan. Now more and more he was using events from his past. He had thrown himself back to McKinley High School, back to his darkest past. He knew he needed to stop, he needed to get out of that head space, and more importantly out of this damned hotel room. 

“I think the first thing I need to do is take a nice long shower and go outside.” Kurt said. 

Burt nodded in approval. “Just can you call me when you get back, let me know how you are doing?”

“I promise.” Kurt swore to his dad. 

“I’ll even have Carole teach me how to text. I’m here for you, not just on Sundays.” A genuine laugh burst out of Kurt unbidden. At that sound a wide grin appeared on Burt's face. “That’s my boy. Now go shower and I will talk to you later.”

Kurt bid his dad goodbye. For the first time in days, Kurt turned on music before hopping in the shower. He sang freely from his upbeat playlist as he showered. He wasn’t better, but he could feel some of the pain washing away.

He dressed, readying himself to go outside before picking up his phone, plucking up courage to call Blaine. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 4

Kurt walked outside, letting the sun warm his face. He stood still a moment, just soaking it in. He then raised his phone and Facetimed Blaine. Almost immediately the call was picked up. Kurt could see the concern on Blaine’s face, almost as easily as he saw it on his own father’s. 

“Are you okay?” Blaine said in lieu of a proper greeting. 

“I will be.” Kurt said with a small smile. 

Blaine looked at him, his concern growing. “Please talk to me,”

Kurt hesitated for a moment before speaking, “Okay, but I don’t want you to be my therapist. If I talk to you, I want it to be as a friend and not with your doctor hat on. Can you do that?”

Kurt watched as Blaine’s eyes shifted to the side, he looked uncomfortable and there was something else in his face Kurt couldn’t identify. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to share with you. I just don’t want our relationship to turn into that. Can you understand that?” Kurt went on to explain. 

“No, of course.” Blaine assured him. “Just, is that why you were ignoring me?”

Kurt sighed, “I wasn’t ignoring you. Not intentionally at least. I turned off my phone Tuesday night and didn’t pick it up again until this morning. I’m sorry. I was so caught up in my own mess I wasn’t thinking about what a mess I was making for anyone else.”

Kurt walked the unfamiliar city, as he continued talking to Blaine. 

“I’m here to listen, as a friend.” Blaine reassured him. 

Kurt didn’t want to lay all his damage before Blaine. For so long it had stayed in the past, and Kurt desperately wanted to push it back there. 

“I was worried about being recast and I let myself slip back into a dark place. I kind of lost myself there. Marian, she slapped me out of it.” Kurt laughed.

Blaine looked mildly concerned again, “Did she really slap you?”

Kurt laughed again and the sound was so freeing, it was like a band burst around his heart and it finally began beating once more. “No. What she actually did was bring me food, and make me see what I was doing to myself. It is amazing what physical contact and a motherly kiss on the cheek can do for you.”

“I’m glad she was there for you.” There was still sadness in Blaine’s eyes. 

“I talked to my dad too. I really am doing better already.” The sadness didn’t leave Blaine’s eyes. “It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to you. You deal with this kind of stuff all day and I don’t want you to think that that is the only reason I gave you my number. I don’t want or need free therapy sessions. You are so much more than that. I like talking to you, just because I like talking to you. I don’t want you to be my therapist. I just want you to be Blaine.”

Blaine smiled and Kurt was happy to see it reach his eyes. “I like talking to you too. I think it is harder for me not to be the person people go to with their problems. I like to feel needed.”

Kurt felt his heart rate speed as he admitted, “I do need you. I need you to be my normal, need you to be the one that I can escape to. I am surrounded by the same group of people day in and day out with no variance and I need to be able to escape to you. It’s silly, I mean we have only known each other for a few weeks, but I think that was one of the reasons I couldn’t pull myself out of it sooner, because I cut myself off from the one thing that I looked forward to each day.”

Kurt looked away from the phone, not wanting to see what reaction his admission had earned. He didn’t mean to say so much, but he couldn't and wouldn’t take it back. 

“I look forward to talking to you everyday too, Kurt.” Kurt heard coming from the speaker of his phone. 

Kurt looked down to see Blaine beaming up at him. “Well then,” Kurt said, “I guess we should keep it up then shouldn’t we.”

Kurt steered the conversation away from his mental health and asked Blaine about his week. As they talked, Kurt meandered through the city. He found a take-out place and grabbed some food. Across the street was a little park, he sat there and ate as they navigated from subject to subject. 

The sun was beginning to set when Kurt finally let Blaine go with the promise to call him once he was back at his hotel. Kurt needed to use his GPS to direct him back to the hotel. It was almost completely dark by the time he returned to his hotel room. 

They ate dinner together that night, Blaine had homemade pasta while Kurt munched on subpar room service. Alone in the dark after hanging up with Blaine, there were still niggling thoughts trying to usurp Kurt’s brian, but he pushed them away thinking back on his conversation with Blaine. 

On the bus the next day Kurt made a video giving Blaine a complete tour. His cast mates waved at the camera and smiled at Kurt. It was clear to him they were all relieved to see Kurt coming out of his funk. Kurt sent the video and then made another one in his bunk. 

“Before we left Detroit, Tony, our tour manager, asked us if we would rather rent houses for the month we are in Chicago or if we should do another hotel room. It was about a 50/50 split so I actually will have a real full sized kitchen for a month. God, I can’t wait.” Kurt felt his cheeks heat up as he asked what he had been afraid to. “Do you think, maybe, you could get away for a weekend? I know you are busy, but it would be nice don’t you think?”

Kurt shook his head, feeling embarrassed. “Just let me know. Have a great day. Call me when you get a break if you want.”

He stopped the video and hit send before he could second guess himself. 

They talked as Blaine ate his lunch. Kurt was looking forward to sitting down in a restaurant when they got to Indianapolis. Blaine told Kurt he would have to check his schedule to see if a trip to Chicago was possible. All too soon Blaine had to get back to patients. 

Kurt daydreamed about what he would do if Blaine and he were in the same space again. Just the thought of being with Blaine made butterflies erupt in Kurt’s stomach. He couldn’t deny to himself any longer that he had a full fledged crush on Blaine. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone in a long time. Kurt tried to berate himself that it wasn’t the time or the circumstances to nurture a crush, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. 

They may not be able to spend real time together. They couldn’t hold hands, or go on dates. They couldn’t do most of the things that budding couples did to test the waters of a relationship, but that made their journey even more special. All they had were their words, they were learning about each other on a mental level.  _ Surely,  _ Kurt reasoned,  _ that was a stronger foundation for any relationship.  _ He just wished he knew if Blaine felt the same way, there were times that Kurt thought maybe he did. It was hard to tell when the majority of your conversations were sent through text. 

There were times Kurt wished he could forgo vocal rest in favor of speaking to Blaine every night. Unfortunately, texting was what they had. They did text, as often as they could. Spare moments Kurt would find himself sending something to Blaine, and often he would finish a performance to find a few random texts from Blaine waiting for him. 

Sunday was Skype day for Kurt, first his dad and Carole and then with Blaine. Burt was pleased to see a much happier Kurt smiling back at him. He did give him a suspicious look when he tried ending their call earlier than usual. Kurt tried his best to deflect the reason and didn’t hang up until after a full hour of discussion with his parents. 

As much as he loved his father, he felt like he was wasting valuable time he could be actually talking with Blaine. He was just glad he had one more day without a show. Once they made it to Chicago the next week, He would be performing in a Sunday evening show. 

For one last day, Kurt talked with Blaine until late into the night. He loved how their conversations didn’t seem to dull, they always had something to talk about. It wasn’t until Blaine was having trouble stringing his words together that Kurt reluctantly let him go. 

He knew he had it bad. 

They made it to Chicago proper before Blaine was on lunch break. When they were handing out keys to the rental houses, Kurt quickly grabbed Marian’s hand in silent plea that they could be together. Marian had laughed before pulling Hannah to their group. He knew that this was a duo he could gladly share a house with for a month. He couldn’t have asked for better. While Blaine ate lunch, Kurt was at the car rental office with Marian and Hannah. 

Once they were settled in he texted Blaine to Facetime him once he got the chance. He was in the kitchen cooking with the two ladies when his phone chimed the now familiar sound. 

“Hey,” Kurt answered the phone smiling. 

“Can you finish up?” he asked Marian who gave him a pointed look, he knew he would have to talk to her later. 

In the meantime, Kurt gave Blaine a tour of the house. It wasn’t huge, it consisted of 3 bedrooms, Hannah and Marian offered to share the smaller bedrooms with the jack-and-jill bathroom between them and let Kurt have the master. The living room was open to the kitchen and dining room. Kurt ended the tour in his room. He excitedly bounced on the bed as he spoke, feeling like a kid again. Blaine laughed seeing Kurt like this. 

“I love it,” Kurt exclaimed. “It is a real honest to goodness house. I don’t have to worry about housekeeping coming into my room. I can cook all my meals like a civilized person. And better yet, I only have to share the space with Hannah and Marian. He knew he had told Blaine about them, told countless stories featuring all the cast members but felt the need to add, “They are the two people I am closest to, I never feel like I have to be anyone but myself around them.”

“And you do with the others?” Blaine asked, obviously confused. 

“I mean we get along, and they are great,” Kurt began. “The other guys are straight so sometimes I have to watch what I say. Not that they are homophobes, but I don’t know how they would feel if I talked about guys to them.”

Kurt laughed at the thought, “Although maybe Cameron wouldn’t mind so much. I swear he always alludes to the crassest things. He might be thrilled at the idea of me getting some ass.”

As soon as the words left his mouth Kurt turned bright red. He couldn’t believe he had actually said that and to Blaine. He finally sputtered out a mortified, “Oh my god!”

Blaine’s laughter didn’t help the situation. Kurt was trying to think of something to save what little of his dignity he had left when Marian knocked on the door saying, “Dinner’s ready, slacker.”

Kurt finally found his voice again as Blaine’s laughter morphed into a chuckle. “Do you want to join us for dinner?”

“I would love that. Does that mean I get to meet your friends?” Blaine beamed.

They sat at the table, Blaine on the phone propped up against an empty water glass. 

The girls had a great time telling embarrassing stories about Kurt. 

“Do you remember that first day at rehearsal when you went in to kiss me and you missed?” Hannah cackled before turning to look at Blaine’s face on the screen. “He planted the most hurried kiss on my nose. It was the weirdest feeling.”

“It’s not my fault that I’m used to kissing taller people,”Kurt grumbled. “You’re what five-one?”

“I’m five-three, thank you very much. I am barely shorter than average.” Hannah grumbled. 

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shorter than average.” Blaine defended. 

Kurt smiled at Blaine, “Of course there isn’t. I’m just not used to aiming that low. I like it when a guy is shorter than me.”

Marian shot Kurt a mischievous look. It worried Kurt for a moment, but she kept whatever she wanted to say to herself. She still commented and told stories but nothing to justify that look. 

It wasn’t until the next morning, Kurt understood what that look meant. When he walked into the kitchen, Marian was already there fixing breakfast. As soon as she saw Kurt she sang “You like him.”

Kurt was infinitely glad that Hannah wasn’t there. He toyed with the idea of lying to Marian for a moment before a smile burst on his face, “Of course I do.”

“Well, you have to tell me everything,” She crowed.

“We met back in Ohio. We shared a table when I went out to eat on my night off. He’s just an amazing person.” Kurt said, biting his lip. 

“Wait, this has been going on a month and I am just now finding out about it? Of course I guess it’s better that it has only been a month and you haven't been hiding him away all this time.” Marian split the scrambled eggs between the two of them without even asking if Kurt wanted to share. It warmed his heart that she cared so much.

Kurt picked up his fork and pushed the eggs around on his plate before saying, “I mean, I don’t know where it is going. It’s not like we are an item or anything. I just really like him. I don’t know what to do, we can’t really  _ be _ together until I go back to New York. I did invite him to Chicago but he hasn’t answered yet.”

“Why hasn’t he answered?” Marian asked, her brow furrowed. 

Kurt shrugged, “He’s busy. He said he had to check his calendar. He’s a psychologist so it’s not like he can just jet off whenever he wants.”

“Surely he doesn’t have clients at the weekends.” Marian pointed out. 

Kurt shrugged again, “I don’t know, sometimes he texts during the day at the weekends but most of our conversations are at night.”

“Does he live in Ohio?” Marian asked, “I mean you met there-”

“No,” Kurt answered quickly, “he was in town for a conference. He is a New Yorker now.”

“You should ask him again. Maybe that is what he is waiting for.” she pointed out. 

“Maybe,” Kurt parrotted, still not sure if he should ask again yet. 

“Okay, back to your silence with you.” Marian laughed. “I want to hear that beautiful voice of yours sounding amazing tonight.”

Kurt loved the freedom of having a space of his own again. He could actually unpack his things, and not feel like it was a waste of time. Marian and Hannah were quieter than the random inhabitants of the various hotels of the past several months. Part of him missed his morning runs with Cameron, but there was a special indulgence in getting to run alone with his headphones blaring whatever music suited his fancy at the moment. It was almost like having a home again. 

He put off the conversation about Blaine coming to Chicago for two weeks. They chatted at every opportunity, but Kurt’s nerves always got the better of him. There were times that Blaine wouldn’t respond for long periods of time, but Kurt never commented on them, he did the same. 

He didn’t ask Blaine again until he got final confirmation from his parents when they were visiting. They would be in town that weekend. He promised Carole there would be prime seats waiting for them. 

That night when Kurt was Facetiming with Blaine he casually mentioned, “My parents are coming to Chicago this weekend. It feels like forever since I really saw them.”

Blaine smiled widely, “That’s wonderful! I bet you are going to have a great time.”

Kurt plucked up his courage, “Have you thought anymore about coming to visit?”

He tried to keep his face smooth and even when he asked, but caught himself biting his lip.

Blaine’s smile turned sad. “I’ve been looking at my schedule and I just don’t see how it can work. I’ve been taking Sarah’s weekend groups the past couple of weeks because she has been trying to finish a project she is working on. This is the first weekend I have any free time, and I don’t want to intrude on your time with your parents. Next Thursday I fly to LA for another conference. I’m sorry, Kurt.”

“It’s okay, I knew it was a long shot,” Kurt said hoping the hurt didn’t show on his face. 

“It’s six o’clock, time to shut up.” Marian called from the living room. 

Kurt shook his head at his friend. “I guess that means I should go. I’ll text you later. I promised Marian we could watch a movie tonight after we got off the phone.”

“Night, Kurt.” Blaine said, looking sad himself. 

When Kurt sank into the sofa next to Marian, he laid his head on her shoulder and sighed, “He’s not coming.”

She gently kissed the top of his head. “I know it’s not what you wanted, but there will be other times.”

“Sure,” He whispered, “but for tonight can we not watch a romance?”

“Horror?” She asked.

He pinched her side gently, “Sad or funny.”

“Let’s see what we can find,” She said, picking up the remote. 

That Friday, Kurt found it so much easier to shed Evan than he normally did. His parents were flying in today. They hadn’t ironed out plans for when to see each other yet, but just knowing that they were in the same city made Kurt giddy. 

He smiled at each person waiting at the stage door, taking selfies and signing autographs. When the crowd thinned he went back to his dressing room to wait for Hannah and Marian to let him know they were ready to go. He opened his door and was surprised by the sight in front of him. Perched on his couch were Burt and Carole. 

Burt barely had a chance to stand before he was being crushed by a hug from his only son. Kurt squeezed his dad tight, and didn’t notice the tears meandering down his cheeks. After a minute he looked over to see Carole standing near them her hands clutched to her heart. He reached out an arm and drew her into the embrace. He just held them, relishing in the feel of family, real family. “Oh god, have I missed you.” Kurt finally muttered. 

Burt pulled back and looked at his son, “I’ve missed you too bud. How about we go grab something to eat?”

As they walked out of his room, Marian blew him a kiss and he knew she had something to do with this surprise. 

They made their way to a pizza place and Kurt ordered the most indulgent, greasiest pizza on the menu. Burt shook his head at his son, and ordered a more moderate slice. “You really going to eat that?” He asked.

Kurt laughed at the turning of the tables, “I am famished. Plus I’ll run a few miles in the morning.”

“How’ve you been son?” Burt asked, concern clear. 

Kurt sighed, he knew his dad had been worried since Detroit. “I really am great. I’ve been making sure to practice self care and not cutting myself off from people. Things have been pretty good.”

“Anything new?” Carole said and by the look in her eye, Kurt knew she knew. 

Kurt crossed his arms across his chest, “Marian told you didn’t she?” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about kiddo.” Burt said. He had always been a horrible liar. 

“I can’t believe she told you about Blaine. Shouldn’t it be up to me when I tell you about a guy?” Kurt tried to look anywhere but at his parents. 

Carole reached out a hand and gently touched his elbow. He looked over to see her softly smiling at him. “I don’t think she meant to break a confidence. She thought you had told us about him already. But we would love to hear all about him if you want to.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you about him, it’s just-” Kurt huffed a breath. “There isn’t a lot to tell. I met him, I like him, but we are miles apart so there isn’t much we can do.”

“Well, what do you do?” Burt asked. 

“We talk or text really most of the time. I don’t even know if he likes me like that.” Kurt was happy to see their food coming towards them. 

He ate with gusto hoping that the conversation about Blaine was over. They did shift the focus onto other things. It wasn’t until the Uber was idling in front of Burt and Carole’s hotel that it came up again. Burt had just released Kurt from a hug and was standing to the side waiting for his wife. Carole pulled Kurt into her own embrace. 

“Just do what makes you happy. That’s all we want for you.” She whispered in his ear. 

He knew she wasn’t just talking about his life in general but about Blaine. 

The next morning when Marian walked into the kitchen he said, “I’m not talking to you.”

“I know, you’re on vocal rest.” She laughed. 

Kurt growled, “I can’t believe you told my parents about Blaine. Why would you do that?”

She looked taken aback. “I’m sorry kiddo, I didn’t know it was a secret. I just mentioned him in passing as I was walking them to your dressing room. I said I was glad to see you happy again and I thought Blaine might be part of it.”

“I just wanted to tell them in my own time. I don’t even know what is going on with us. I didn’t think I should have to tell them when it could be nothing.” He sighed, his anger leaving him. 

“Don’t sell yourself short, Kurt. Even if all you ever are is friends, that isn’t nothing.”

Kurt spent all the time he could with his parents while they were there. He showed them his favorite places he had found in the city. They were understanding of his quietness, but at times Kurt couldn’t contain himself and comments burst out of him unbidden. 

Late at night when he returned home, he would send off a text to Blaine about his day. Their conversations were short but at least it was something. His parents left early Monday morning and Kurt was sad to see them go. 

The last week in Chicago flew by and Sunday Kurt was packing the last of his things into a bag, sad to say goodbye to the house. They were leaving as soon as they closed the show that night, they had a long trek ahead of them. 

  
  



	6. Chapter 5

The entire cast was on the bus singing an awesome rendition of ‘Sal Tlay Ka Siti’ as they rumbled down the highway. Kurt had handed his phone to Hannah to record the epic moment. He sent the video to Blaine as soon as they were done. 

**Kurt: When musical theatre nerds are on their way to Salt Lake City.**

He headed to the back of the bus while the rest of the cast continued to sing selections from The Book of Mormon. He sat on the floor and made another video. 

“I hope your conference went well. It has been weird not getting to talk to you. It is really one of the best parts of my day. Can I say we need to plan your flights a little better? You are traveling almost the whole time I am off vocal rest. I didn’t want to waste that time, so expect videos from me today. Did I ever tell you about being in the Ensemble for Book of Mormon?”

He sent the second video and began to record the third. He noticed a notification come up on his phone while he was regaling Blaine with tales of tap dancing in ‘Turn it off’ and dancing with giant dildos in ‘Spooky Morman Hell Dream.’ He sent the video and then switched to his messages. 

**Blaine: I just don’t know if he likes me the same way. You saw the way he was with me, what do you think?**

A lump immediately formed itself in Kurt's chest. He felt sick to his stomach. Tears began to prickle at his eyes. Before the tears could fall, he received a new message. 

**Blaine: Shit. Sorry, that was supposed to go to Sarah.**

Kurt shot off a response before texting Marian. He couldn’t face walking into where the rest of the cast was. 

**Kurt: I’ll just talk to you later.**

**Kurt: Can you come to the back of the bus. I need you.**

Kurt turned off his phone and almost immediately Marian was there by his side. 

“What is it kiddo?” She asked. 

He looked up to her and this anguish must have been apparent. “Kurt what happened?”

“He likes someone else.” He said feeling his heart break. “I was sending him videos and he sent a text to me by mistake about how he wasn’t sure if the guy felt the same way. How they had seen them together asking their opinion. God, I feel so stupid.”

He hung his head and let a few tears fall. Marian sat down beside him and cradled him in her arms. 

“You don’t know that he wasn’t talking about you. Don’t give up hope.”

He pushed back out of her arms to look at her. “No one has ever seen us together. We haven’t been in the same space for months. How would anyone else know how we are together, if I like him? No wonder he didn’t want to come to Chicago.”

“Did you at least talk to him about it?” Marian asked sternly. 

“There isn’t anything to talk about.” Kurt challenged. He stood up, his stomach still tied in knots. 

“I’m going to go lay down. Wake me up when we stop for food.” 

Marian tried to grab his hand as he walked off, but Kurt easily pulled it out of her grasp. 

Alone in his bunk, Kurt berated himself for being so silly to think someone as amazing as Blaine could possibly like someone like him. All the reasons that Kurt had given himself for not doing this thing with Blaine back in Michigan came flooding back at him. 

He lay there, feeling small and stupid, willing sleep to take him away from the hurt if just for a little while. Eventually the rocking of the bus took him out of his mind and he slept. 

Kurt dreamed. It wasn’t a distinct story but images of him and Blaine together. Walking down the streets of New York. kissing, snuggling on a couch. Image after image flooded Kurt’s brain. When he woke he felt all the more empty because of them. 

The bus stopped for food in some random town. Kurt hardly noticed his surroundings as he grabbed the first thing on the menu that didn’t make him want to vomit. He took it back to the bus wanting to be alone. He hardly tasted it as he ate. 

Marian was the first to get back on the bus. She found Kurt staring pitifully at the remains of his meal at the small table. 

“Turn your damn phone on. Stop this pity party and talk to him.” She yelled at him before stalking off to her bunk. 

Kurt blinked after her. She was right, he needed to talk to Blaine, but he also needed some time as well. He needed a moment to mourn what could have been before embracing purely a friendship with Blaine. Wednesday he would talk to him. 

Kurt was worried how he would do in the show Tuesday night, but it went surprisingly well. He used his heart ache to fuel his role and by the time he was taking off his character, Kurt surprisingly felt better. 

He settled into his hotel room and turned on his phone. There was a message from Blaine waiting for him. 

**Blaine: I have waited for you to text me but you haven’t yet. I have a feeling you might be upset with me. Please talk to me about it. I’m here when you are ready.**

Kurt hit the button for a video call and waited, hoping for Blaine to pick up. 

“Kurt, hey.” Blaine said, his eyes looked tired. Kurt then remembered just how late it was. 

“Is it too late to talk?” Kurt asked tentatively.

Blaine shook his head. 

“I’m sorry I shut you out. I was hurt.”

“Why?” Blaine’s brow furrowed with confusion and and his eyes widened in shock.

“I like you Blaine. I know it’s silly but I was kinda hoping that we could be more than friends. I wanted you to feel the same way so when I got that text from you- it hurt.” Kurt couldn’t look at Blaine. 

He wished he had just called him instead. 

He heard Blaine huff a laugh and his head shot to the phone in his hand, Blaine was smiling softly. 

“I was talking about you, you idiot. I was texting with Sarah while I waited for my plane. She was trying to get me to ask  _ you  _ out.” 

Kurt felt his eyes burning again with tears. It felt like an elaborate joke. “It can’t be, she hasn’t ever seen us together.”

“I might have sent her a couple of your videos. I didn’t want to mess up our friendship if I was making it all up in my head. Why are you crying?”

Kurt swiped at his face with his free hand. “You really like me?”

“Kurt, I have been crazy about you since that day in the restaurant.” Blaine sounded so earnest, Kurt wanted to believe him. 

“Why did you never say anything?” He stuttered. 

Blaine laughed, “I could ask you the same thing. I was worried you wouldn’t feel the same way. Do you know how much I hated saying that I couldn’t make it to Chicago. How much I wanted to drop everything just to breathe the same air as you again?”

“ God, I just wanted you to be here. I thought you just didn’t want to come.” Kurt admitted.

“Sarah was trying to finish a research project for this esteemed journal. She had to beg me to take her groups. I was planning on surprising you when you get to Philadelphia next month. She even offered to pay for my tickets.” Blaine laughed again and the sound seemed to loosen something inside Kurt. 

“So what does this mean now?” Kurt asked smiling through his tears. 

Blaine's face was soft as he spoke. “What do you want it to mean?”

“Can we do this? While we are still so far apart?” Kurt answered with another question.

“I want to make this work anyway we can. I don’t want to lose you because of silly misunderstandings or miscommunications. I think we could be something great if we just let ourselves.” 

Kurt wanted to leap through the phone, he wanted nothing more in that moment to touch Blaine, to feel that he was real. 

“It won't be easy, long distance is hard and our schedules don't always mesh.” Kurt pointed out. 

“I don’t want easy, Kurt. I want you. I want every inch of you. I look forward to hearing from you, any smidge of anything from you. We  _ can _ do this. I know we can. But do you want to?”

Kurt couldn’t see an ounce of doubt in Blaine’s face as he searched it through the screen. 

“I want to, I want you. God I wish you were here.”

“I wish I was there too.” Blaine licked his lips. “You know I always imagined when I finally told you how I felt I would actually get to kiss you.”

It was Kurt’s turn to laugh, “It isn’t fair to promise kisses when you can’t give them. A month? Can I really see you in a month?”

“I will take a train down every night if I can. It’s only an hour and a half train ride. You’ll see so much of me you’ll be sick of me.”

“Promise?” Kurt asked shyly. 

“I’ll do whatever I can to see my boyfriend.” Blaine teased. 

A smile bloomed on Kurt's face at the word ‘boyfriend.’ He just kept looking at Blaine’s face through his phone, memorizing every feature. Finally he said, “Do you  _ have  _ to work tomorrow? I don’t want to let you go, I want to talk to you all night. I don’t think I  _ can _ let you go right now.”

Blaine smiled sadly back at him, “I do,  _ but  _ I don’t have any patients until after noon. I was going to try to get some writing done, but this is more important.”

They got ready for bed together. Kurt tried to catch glimpses of Blaine as he changed but he was just out of frame. They lay in bed together thousands of miles apart and talked without reserve. 

“Sing to me?” Blaine asked, his eyes drooping and his voice low. 

Kurt thought for a moment before softly singing ‘I Just Want to Dance With You.’

Kurt watched as Blaine drifted off to sleep as he sang. After he lay there in the quiet of his room just looking at Blaine. He couldn’t believe he had been such an idiot and nearly lost the chance at this. He knew in the morning he would have to tell Marian she was right. For the moment, Kurt watched his boyfriend sleep. 

“Good Night Blaine,” He finally whispered before ending the call and letting sleep overtake him as well. 

Cameron woke Kurt early the next morning. He kicked himself for not thinking ahead to text Cameron to cancel. Kurt opened the door to his incessant knocking with a tired scowl on his face. 

“Woah, Hummel what’s up with you?” He asked. 

“No run today. Need sleep.” Kurt grunted. 

“Too much phone sex?” Cameron teased. 

“Not yet.” Kurt sing-songed closing the door in Cameron’s shocked face. 

He lay back in his bed and tried to go back to sleep but he knew he would be unable. He sent a text to Blaine. 

**Kurt: Call me when you get up if you have time XOXO**

He then fired off a text to Marian.

**Kurt: You were right about everything. I should have just talked to Blaine.**

**Kurt: and he WAS talking about me ;)**

It wasn’t a whole minute later before there was an excited knock on the door. 

He got up again, grumbling slightly, and opened the door. 

Marian was standing there with a box of donuts in her hands and a shocked look on her face. 

“I was coming here to cheer you up but it looks like you don’t need it,” she smiled. 

“I’ll make us some coffee and I’ll tell you everything.” Kurt said, returning her smile. 

He told Marian everything. She reacted just how he hoped she would. She was just happy for Kurt, she didn’t even say ‘I told you so’. She hugged him tightly when Blaine called on the way to his office. 

Things didn’t really change for them after that, they just  _ grew.  _ More time texting, more videos of their day, more times sneaking in conversations when Kurt thought he could get away with it. Kurt began counting down the days until they would head to Pennsylvania. It was his new goal.

After Salt Lake City, they would head to Omaha, Nebraska. Then on to Philadelphia. After that they would spend most of their time on the East Coast. Most of their stops were within a few hours train ride from the City. If he could just make it through this month he could see Blaine again. 

News of his new relationship status spread through the cast quickly. They were a small, sometimes annoying family, after all. Kurt endured a lot of teasing, and he didn’t regret it one bit. 

Sunday, halfway through their Salt Lake City run Kurt lay in bed listening to Blaine talk. He kept watching his mouth move as he spoke. “God, I want to kiss you,” he moaned before he could process what he was saying. 

A beautiful blush colored Blaine’s cheeks. 

“I am so sorry,” Kurt mumbled. 

“Don’t be,” Blaine said, his voice husky. “I’ve just been trying not to think about all the things we have to look forward to in Philly.” 

Blaine seemed to think about what he said and began to stammer, “Not that I am implying we have to do anything. That isn’t why I am coming out to see you.”

“Isn’t it?” Kurt flirted. “I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you better, if given the chance. Tell me what you want.”

“We are not having phone sex.” Blaine said. It didn’t sound like he was really opposed to the idea as much as not wanting to give into temptation. 

“I’m not saying we should. But isn’t it the responsible thing to talk about what we like and don’t like, what we want, what we think about?” Kurt's voice grew breathless as he spoke. 

“Kurt,” Blaine whispered into the night. 

“We’re both adults, Blaine. I would assume sex isn’t new to either of us. Shouldn’t we talk about it when talking is all we can do?”

Blaine’s face was red, but his pupils were large. Kurt didn’t think the lighting could be entirely to blame. “I just don’t want to see you, all of you, until I can actually touch you and not myself.”

“Then we won't. But tell me Blaine, “ Kurt urged, “when you do see me, when you  _ can  _ touch me, what do you want to do?”

Blaine swallowed thickly before answering, “I want to worship your body. I want to learn every inch of it until I know it better than my own.”

It took all Kurt’s self control to ignore his erection as it pressed tightly against his pants. He wished he had changed before starting this. If he had known this was where they were headed, he would have. 

“God, I want to feel you.” he whispered. He thought Blaine didn’t hear him at first but then his eyes widened. 

“I want to taste you, as much of you as I can.” Blaine admitted. 

“You can.” Kurt said. “Do you want to know what I like?”

Blaine nodded so Kurt went on. 

“I like it all.”

“What do you mean by all?” Blaine’s voice cracked. 

“I mean, I like giving pleasure as much as receiving it. I know not everyone likes to switch but I do. So what do you like, Blaine? Tell me please.”

“You can have me anyway you want me. I want everything with you. I want the dates and the hand holding. I want the talks and the kisses. I want to feel you inside of me and I want to feel you tighten around me as you come.” Blaine admitted looking directly into the camera lense. 

Kurt closed his eyes trying to control himself. “It’s a date,” Kurt finally managed to say.

He then added, “But for now, I think I need to let you go. Um, I have something I need to take care of.”

Blaine’s eyes shifted to the side before darting back to the camera. “Me too, I’ll uh- I’ll talk to you later then.”

“Good night, Blaine.” Kurt said quickly before ending the call. 

The phone had barely touched the bed before Kurts pants were around his knees and his hand was tightening around his erection. With visions of Blaine’s body laid out underneath him Kurt jerked himself off. He came with a surprised shout. He lay on his bed panting, longing for the weeks to pass when he could see if his fantasies came close to reality.

A week later, Kurt was packing his bag getting ready for another overnight trip. He reminded himself that in only 2 weeks he would see Blaine again. He couldn’t hold in his smile at the thought. There was a knock at his hotel room door. He opened it and standing there was Tony with a man Kurt hadn’t seen since his last audition almost 2 year ago. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 6

As soon as they made it onto the bus, Kurt retreated to his bunk. His heart was still pounding and his hands were shaking. He knew if he had to spend even a second with the rest of the cast he would blurt it out, but he couldn’t, he needed to tell Blaine first. And his parents. 

_ They will understand if I don’t tell them until morning,  _ he reasoned looking at his clock. 

It was late, after 1 o’clock, he knew Blaine was asleep. He had spoken to him briefly right after the show ended. Kurt knew he had a long day tomorrow but he  _ had  _ to call him. He couldn’t be the sole holder of this information any longer. 

He started the video call, he wanted to see Blaine’s face. 

It rang until the call disconnected. Undeterred Kurt called again. Finally on the third call Blaine answered.

“Kurt?” He asked, his face sleep wrinkled and his hair disheveled. 

“I have to tell you.” Kurt began.

Blaine interrupted him, “What time is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s late and nothing is wrong.” Kurt assured him. “I just need you to listen. Are you awake?”

“One sec,” Blaine sat up, his blanket falling away from his bare chest. He rubbed at his face before saying, “Okay. I’m awake. What is it?”

“Don’t worry about coming to Philadelphia, I won't be there.”

“Wait, what?” Blaine looked at him in confusion. “Where will you be?”

“New York.” Kurt whispered. “The casting director came to see the show tonight, I’m going to be the next Broadway Evan.” 

“When?” Blaine excitedly exclaimed.

“I open in 6 weeks, but I’ll be there in 2. They are flying out another understudy. Matthew will take over for me, Henry will be the new standby and this other guy will take Henry’s place. They haven’t told them yet. I will when we get off the phone”

“Oh my god, Kurt-” Blaine whined. 

“I know.” Kurt said. 

“You are headlining on Broadway-”

“I get to be with you-” 

They said it at the same time. Kurt laughed at the stunned look on Blaine’s face. 

“I am over the moon to be Evan on Broadway, don’t get me wrong. But- I’ve been playing him for a long time and the real difference for me, is I get to see you.” Kurt felt like there was a string tugging at his heart, pulling him, urging him closer to Blaine. He couldn’t wait to obey its call. 

“I should let you go, let you get some sleep.” Kurt whispered. 

“What if I’m not ready yet?” Blaine asked. 

Kurt shook his head, “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good Night Blaine.”

Kurt walked into the lounge area of the bus. He was happy to see that everyone was still there. It seemed they were all still too hyped to go to bed. 

“Hey, everyone. I have something to tell you.” Kurt said, bringing all eyes to him. 

“If it’s about your boyfriend we already know Hummel.” Cameron yelled across the room. 

Hannah shoved him off the couch, “Shut it. What is it Kurt?”

“Um-” He paused, he didn’t think it would be so hard to tell them. He was excited, giddy at the prospect of going back to New York. He just wasn’t sure how to say goodbye to this family he had created on the road. He took a deep breath and decided just to say it, “You’re looking at the next Evan on Broadway.”

They sat in silence for a moment before excited chatter erupted around him. Marian and Hannah rushed to his side both asking questions at once. It felt good that they were happy for him. He tried to answer all the questions that they fired at him. Soon everyone was heading to their own bunks. Only Hannah, Marian and Kurt were left. 

“Have you told Blaine yet?” Hannah asked. 

Kurt smiled, “He was the first person I told. I woke him up,” Kirt laughed, “I may have to tell him again in the morning. He may think he was dreaming.”

“You better keep in touch with us.” Marian warned and then pulled him into one of her fabulous mom hugs. 

The next morning, Kurt started making a list of things he needed to do. Top on the list was finding a place to live. He wanted a small place that was all his own. The only problem was, he needed a place quickly and it wasn’t like he could go shopping anytime soon. He called his parents to tell them the news and to enlist their help. 

They were ecstatic to help Kurt. Kurt narrowed down his apartment search and sent the addresses to his dad and Carole. He wasn’t entirely sure he could trust his father to be able to open the attachment, but he knew he would be able to tell if the places were right for Kurt. From over a 1000 miles away, Kurt was making his life in New York again, with the help of his parents and with the promise of Blaine waiting for him. 

When Blaine called him at lunchtime, the first thing he said was, “That wasn’t a dream was it. It seemed too real to be a dream, but it seems too good to be true.”

It warmed Kurt’s heart to be able to say, “It was absolutely not a dream.”

By Wednesday, a lease was in Kurt’s hand ready to be signed and faxed back to the leasing company. Burt had already hired a moving company to take Kurt’s things to his new place. With only a floor plan in hand Kurt arranged his furniture glad that Carole would be there to supervise the placement. 

Each evening, Kurt would text Blaine dreaming of being in New York together. They talked about the places they wanted to take the other one; their favorite restaurant, cafes, and quirky little shops. Together they counted down the days until that could be an actuality. 

Sunday was nerve wracking for Kurt. He couldn’t Skype with his parents because they were supervising the move in of his apartment. He wanted to break his vocal rest just to be able to see what was happening. Carole however, kept rejecting his calls. Finally she sent a text to get him to stop. 

**Carole: I can’t get anything done here if you keep trying to call me. Calm down. This is your final warning if you don’t I won’t send pictures.**

Unfortunately Kurt didn’t think she would actually withhold pictures of  _ his _ apartment. He took his chance and tried one more time. 

**Carole: Fine. My phone is being turned off and you can just wait to see the finished product.**

That evening as they Skyped, Blaine had little sympathy for his plight. 

“If you had told me where you are moving, I would have sent you pictures but since you didn’t-” he teased. 

Kurt huffed, “I want it to be a surprise. Besides how weird would it be for you to meet my parents when I’m not even there. Plus, they aren’t allowed to spend more time in real life with my boyfriend that I have.”

“Okay, that’s fair I guess.” Blaine laughed before turning serious, “One week, I can’t believe we only have one week left.”

“One week and a day,” Kurt corrected him. 

“It is almost midnight, We can count it as just one week,” Blaine challenged. 

Kurt stared at Blaine’s face on his computer. “God, I want to kiss you.”

“Is that how you will win our fights?” Blaine teased again. 

“Like you could resist.” 

Kurt's heart beat fast in his chest. He just kept looking at Blaine, he couldn’t believe that this was real, that in a week he would no longer be behind a computer screen. He already felt so much more for him than he had for anyone before. 

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asked. 

Kurt shook his head, “Nothing. I just can’t wait, that’s all.”

The last week of shows went by in a whirlwind. Before Kurt knew what was happening he was in his dressing room preparing to be Evan one last time somewhere other than New York. The next time he went through this routine, he was going to be doing it in his new dressing room in the Music Box Theatre in New York City. Kurt pushed the thought away as he let Evan’s mind take over. He let himself become a jittery mess of a teenage boy. 

Kurt ran out on stage for his bow taking in the audience. Once they took their final bow as a company Marian raised her hand to the audience. They began to quiet, Marian smiled at Kurt and she turned back to the audience before speaking. 

“Thank you everyone. I just wanted to take a moment more of your time before you head off to your lives. I have been blessed to have the most amazing son for almost 400 performances of this show. And now we have to say goodbye.” 

Marian sniffled and dabbed at her eyes. She turned to Kurt, “Kurt, it has been an  _ honor _ to work with. You are absolutely outstanding. Broadway is lucky to have you. The cast got together and we got this for you. Today was a good day, because you are you and that is always enough.”

Cameron brought out a shadow box. Inside Kurt saw a show poster behind a plaster cast from the show. Around where the name CONNOR had been written during the show, in huge scratchy letters were the signatures of all his cast mates. 

“Your last Evan cast on tour.” Cameron said clapping him on the back. 

Kurt wanted to make a grand speech, wanted to thank everyone, but his voice was clogged with tears. He grabbed Marian in a bear hug and soon was engulfed by the many bodies of the friends he had spent almost 2 years with. When they emerged he waved once more to the crowd of Omaha and they walked off stage. 

Kurt carefully packed his bag one last time. He looked around the hotel room shocked that it was actually over. He was surprised by the empty feeling looking at the room, and knowing it was the end, gave him. 

A tentative knock on the door, drew him out of his thoughts. When he opened it Hannah and Marian were standing there. “We were told to come get you. The bus is about to pull out. Everyone wants to say goodbye.”

Kurt pulled both ladies into a hug. “God, I’m going to miss you.”

As everyone loaded up on the bus, Kurt said goodbye to each of them. It felt strange not climbing on with the rest of them. Marian was the last to get on. She stopped on the bottom step and turned once more to Kurt. “You had better keep in touch. I mean it, you are really like the son I never had. These other guys don’t come close.”

Before Kurt could say anything else she hurried away. Kurt stood there a moment before looking around. He was alone for the first time in what felt like forever. He picked up his bag and ordered an Uber. He had a plane to catch after all. 

It was strange to be at an airport again. It had been so long since he had had to fly to get anywhere. The last time he had been on a plane, he was flying out to LA ready for this adventure to begin. Now that was all over and yet, a new even greater adventure awaited him. 

Checking in was easy, he only had one bag to check and a small carry on. He stood in line for security wishing he had someone to talk to. It was still early, he knew that Blaine would be busy with patients. It didn’t feel right standing in line while talking on the phone either. The line was longer than he would have guessed but it did cut down on the time he had to wait for his plane to board. 

When he finally made it out of security, he took in his surroundings. Once he had his bearings he headed in the direction of his terminal. On the way he spotted a coffee shop called Scooter's coffee and made a detour to get himself some more caffeine. 

Boarding the plane he listened to the chatter of those around him, excited to be going someplace new. He smiled to himself. While he was going back to a familiar place he was headed into something new. Something new and amazing waited for him on the other end of the flight. He picked up the phone and sent a quick text before turning it on to airplane mode. 

**Kurt: I’m on my way to you. Be home soon.**

  
  



	8. Chapter 7

Kurt was standing at baggage claim waiting on his one bag to come around the conveyor belt. He saw it up ahead and waited for it to come around to him. He had just grabbed the handle when he heard someone shout his name. 

He pulled the bag to himself and turned to see who was calling him. Then he saw him. Blaine was there. Blaine who he didn’t think he would see until after his group this afternoon. Kurt ran to greet him, all thoughts of luggage and crowds out of his mind. 

Then Blaine was in his arms, solid and real and  _ here.  _ He knew he was squeezing too tight, he couldn’t help it. Blaine was clutching tightly to his back. In the middle of the crowd they just held each other slightly swaying until Kurt just had to see his face. He had to make sure it was really him. 

He pulled back and whispered, “You’re here.”

“I decided that Mondays were the perfect day to take off.” Blaine smiled crookedly at him. 

Without further thought, Kurt captured those beautiful plump lips in a long awaited kiss. Shivers ran up and down Kurt’s body, his hand reached up and cupped Blaine’s cheek as they continued to kiss unmindful of those around them. Finally he pulled away slightly, his eyes still closed, his forehead pressed against Blaine’s. Slowly he opened them to see Blaine looking up at him with his beautiful hazel eyes. 

“I can’t believe you're here,” He said again. 

Blaine gently caressed his cheek, his thumb catching slightly on Kurt’s lip. “I figured we spent enough time apart. I couldn’t wait any longer.”

“Can we go?” Kurt asked, needing to be alone with Blaine. 

He grabbed Blaine’s hand and began searching for his bag, finally remembering its existence. It was toppled over a few feet behind them. Blaine picked it up when they reached it. In their Uber from the airport it was like they were magnets, they kept being drawn toward each other. Their hands entwined, they talked over each other in their excitement. 

They pulled in front of a building, a blue facade coffee shop filling the bottom floor with a little white door with the number 644 etched into the glass. On either side was a pharmacy and hardware store. The Building was only 6 stories, small by New York standards but Kurt already loved it. He pulled out the key ring his dad had shipped to him a week ago. He used one to unlock the little white door. Blaine followed him up the stairs carrying the bag that held Kurt’s life for the last 2 years. On the fourth floor, Kurt followed the hall down to a door on the right side. He put in his other key, ready to see what waited for him inside. He unlocked the door and walked in.The door opened onto his living area, his old couch and coffee table welcomed him, looking at a red brick wall, a fireplace, painted grey, and his TV mounted above. He smiled when he noticed the rug Carole had bought, bright jewel tones in an abstract pattern. 

“Wow, this is great,” Blaine said behind him, his hand caressing the small of Kurt’s back. 

Kurt turned back to him and smiled, “Come in, welcome.”

As soon as Blaine crossed the threshold and the door was closed behind them, Kurt pulled him into another kiss. He licked his way into Blaine’s mouth. Blaine moaned in appreciation at the surprise. Kurt folded his arms over Blaine’s shoulders bringing their bodies closer. 

Eventually he pulled back his breath coming in soft pants, “I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of being able to do that.” 

Blaine laughed a sweet sound, “I don't think you hear me complaining.”

“I should- I should probably look around.” Kurt stammered. He was feeling too much, his senses seemed overwhelmed with nothing but Blaine. He felt like he could self-destruct if he lost himself in it. 

He turned to his right to see his kitchen, on the wall closest was a cafe table with two chairs that he knew had originally been his moms. They walked down the hall hand in hand opening doors as they went. First a small closet. Carole had set it up as part pantry part linen closet. Next hid a stackable washer and dryer, something Kurt was more excited about than he would like to admit. 

The next door housed his bathroom, it was small but neat and clean, it’s white subway tile and walk-in shower, big enough for two, gleaming. Kurt knew what was behind the last door. Opening it felt like opening up a world of new possibilities grasping Blaine’s hand as he was. Kurt pushed open the door, his queen size bed backed onto a red brick wall, two windows shone light on the stormy grey linens. His dad had hung industrial lights over each side of the bed, the edison bulbs illuminating when Kurt flipped the switch. Black filing cabinets sat on each side in place of end tables. His mom’s old dresser stood between the two windows. 

“It’s incredible,” Blaine said from beside him. “I can’t believe you found this place so quickly.”

“I think I am more lucky than I ever gave myself credit for,” Kurt said looking into Blaine’s eyes. 

The air between them was charged. Kurt didn’t feel like he could catch his breath. He wanted to pull Blaine into the bedroom, wanted to learn all the parts of him he couldn’t when miles separated them. He tried to focus his mind on other things, there was one large obstacle to that desirous plan. Something he needed to voice as Blaine pulled him in closer and began nibbling on Kurt's neck like he already knew that was the way to make Kurt completely lose his mind. 

“I don’t have any supplies,” he squeaked out, gently pushing Blaine away. 

“My parents are great in every way possible., but there was no way I was going to ask them to stock me up on lube and condoms.” Kurt could feel the blush rising up from his chest and brightening his face. 

“I was hoping to stop somewhere before you came over.”Blaine rubbed the back of his neck, Kurt wanted to take the bashful look off his face, “I liked your surprise better, we are just severely lacking in essentials.”

Blaine lifted Kurt's hand and kissed the palm before saying in a husky voice. “Lucky for us you happened to get an apartment with a pharmacy just downstairs. It’s almost like you planned it.”

“As I said, lucky.” Kurt breathed. 

“Why don’t I let you have a few minutes alone in your apartment and I will run down and get something.” Blaine offered. 

Kurt nodded. Although he didn’t want to be apart from Blaine. He did need a moment. He gave Blaine his keys as he left. He stood in the middle of the living room for a second, taking in everything. He opened his fridge and noticed his parents had stocked up on the basics. He checked the cabinets and was pleased to see his antique dishes had survived the move. He removed his shoes and socks, feeling the soft fibers of the rug beneath his toes. He moved back to the fire place and the books Carole had stacked there. He squatted and ran his hands over their spines. They were all his old favorites that he’d never had a place for. Everything just fit. It was like the apartment was made for him and his stuff. 

He moved to look out the window and thought. It was like with Blaine, he seemed to just fit Kurt like they were made for each other. Kurt couldn’t help but smile to himself, he was looking forward to getting to know him even more. Being able to go out, and touch and  _ everything _ with him. He heard his key in the lock. He heard him shuffling by the door, removing his shoes but didn’t turn around until Blaine’s hands ran up each arm, a slow and gentle caress. Kurt leaned back pressing his body against Blaine’s. 

Kurt turned around, his arms found their way again to Blaine’s shoulders. He just looked at Blaine for a moment. Taking in all his features. His eyes roved over Blaine’s face, trying to memorize every inch. Blaine’s hand came up and brushed at Kurt’s cheek. 

“We don’t have to do anything if you're not ready “ he whispered. It was only then that Kurt realized Blaine had swiped a tear from his face. 

Kurt smiled at Blaine, “No, it's not that. I’m happy. After months of talking and getting to know you and then to finally be here with you. It’s a lot and I just- I love you Blaine.”

Blaine’s eyes widened as Kurt said those words he had only said a handful of times to someone else. Before he could panic that it was too soon and he had ruined the moment, Blaine’s mouth pressed sweetly against his. 

Blaine pulled back and looked up at Kurt. His breath released in a rush before his words followed. “I love you, Kurt Hummel.”

Kurt laughed a joyful sound. Their kiss was slow and gentle learning each other with the sun shining down on their faces from the window. 

Eventually Kurt pulled back, “Let’s go to my room.”

Blaine grabbed the bag he had put on the coffee table as he followed Kurt down the hall. Kurt flipped the switch as they entered before crossing to the windows and shutting the curtains. Blaine closed the door behind himself and stood there watching Kurt. 

Kurt walked back over to him and took the bag from his hand, setting it down on the closest filing cabinet. He sat on the edge of his bed and held his hands out to Blaine. As Blaine placed his hands in Kurt’s, Kurt pulled him until he was standing between Kurt’s legs. 

Kurt’s bed was so high, Blaine only had to lean down a little to reach Kurt’s mouth. Kurt let his hands explore Blaine’s waist and chest as they kissed, getting a hint of what his shirt hid. He pulled back breathless only to scoot up the bed. Blaine didn’t need an invitation to follow. 

They kissed almost lazily as their hands skimmed the other’s body, just a feather light touch. It was sweet torture to finally be so close and yet to take things so slowly. Eventually Kurt rolled onto his back bringing Blaine with him. Blaine took the opportunity to let his kisses wander. He sucked gently on Kurt's earlobe before peppering kisses down his throat. Kurt couldn't help it, his neck had always been extra sensitive, as Blaine sucked gently at his jugular the most wanton noise escaped Kurt and his hips bucked up meeting Blaine’s body. 

The rough chuckle this move earned assured Kurt that Blaine learned his lesson well and would use that trick to his advantage in the future. Kurt threw his head back, giving Blaine all the room he could need to keep up his ministrations. 

“Blaine,” Kurt heard his voice beg. 

Even though Kurt wasn’t entirely sure what he was begging for, Blaine seemed to get it. He pressed his body down meeting Kurt owning his mouth once more. 

Kurt’s hands grappled for something to hold onto, he was overcome with sensations both physically and emotionally. They finally found purchase on Blaine’s ass, pulling him closer still. Their cocks ground together with perfect friction. Their kisses turned to panted breaths and their hips began to work together. Kurt threw his head back crying out his ecstacy. His hands scraped up Blaine’s back bringing his shirt with them. Blaine’s warm skin was smooth under Kurt’s palms. 

As if by silent command Blaine sat up and threw his shirt off, tossing it somewhere on the floor. Kurt pushed himself further up the bed so he could sit fully up. He removed his own T-shirt, and began working on the buttons of his jeans. When Blaine saw what he was doing he sat beside Kurt and followed suit. Kurt freed himself of his jeans first. Blaine had removed his socks and was just kicking his pants off his foot when Kurt straddled his lap. While Blaine was still wearing a pair of blue boxer briefs, Kurt was completely bare. His face split into a devilish grin as he palmed Blaine through his underwear. 

“Kurt,” Blaine whined and Kurt didn’t think he would ever tire of hearing that sound.

Even so, he cut off any more noises Blaine could make with a frantic kiss. Kurt needed something, he needed more, he needed Blaine. He pulled his full body back away from Blaine. His hand reached out, catching hold of the waistband of Blaine’s underwear. He kept moving back until all of Blaine was revealed to him. 

Kurt’s mouth watered at the sight of Blaine’s beautiful thick cock dripping precum just for him. He licked his lips as his eyes roved up to Blaine’s face. He was flush with desire.

“Lay down,” Kurt whispered. 

Blaine obeyed quickly sliding down the bed until his head hit the pillow. Kurt was unsure of what he wanted to do next; give into the lure of Blaine’s cock that begged to be sucked or give into the temptation of Blaine’s body that cried out to be worshiped. 

Blaine’s dick twitched as if beckoning Kurt to him and he obeyed. He crawled up the bed before taking it in his hand. He could hear Blaine’s breath hitch at the move. First, he licked gently at the slit gathering the moisture there before taking Blaine in his mouth. Kurt’s jaw ached with the stretch, he took him as deep as he could, hitting the back of his throat before taking him down. The noises Blaine was making were like a drug to Kurt. Over and over, Kurt bobbed his head swallowing Blaine down just to hear the noises he would make. 

“Kurt” Blaine shouted as a warning, and only then did he pull off. 

Blaine pulled him up one handed. He kissed Kurt hungerily, tasting deep into his mouth. Blaine rolled them over, pressing Kurt firmly into the mattress. His mouth explored the column of Kurt's neck, licking and nipping as he went. His body undulated into Kurt sending spikes of arousal right through him. Down Kurt's body he continued to map his way with his lips, tongue and teeth. Kurt couldn’t keep silent and a litany of erotic noises filled the air around them. Kurt lost himself in the feelings assaulting him, his whole body was on fire and Blaine seemed to delight in fanning their flames. Kurt was engulfed with need for him. 

“Blaine, please,” he gasped, “I need you, please.”

Kurt wasn’t sure how he did it, it didn’t seem like Blaine’s mouth ever left his body but over his own moans he heard the pop of a cap. Blaine pushed Kurt’s legs back, spreading him, presenting him. It seemed in one instant Blaine’s mouth enveloped Kurt cock and a slick finger was breaching his hole. 

A high pitched whine punched out of Kurt. It had been so long since anyone had touched him there. Blaine’s hand stilled. It was as if he could read Kurt so well already and knew he needed time to adjust. He looked down at Blaine lazily bobbing on his cock with looks of sweet delight in his eyes. Kurt gave a short nod and Blaine slowly began preparing him. A moment later he added another finger. The drag was exquisite as he felt himself open up to Blaine. Two fingers became three and Kurt's head was lulling from side to side lost in the feel. 

“Blaine, please.” he whined, in need. 

Blaine’s fingers slipped out of him and Kurt moaned at their loss. 

“I’m here,” Blaine reassured him. 

He grabbed a condom from the bag. Kurt wanted to snatch it from his hands and put it on for him, but his limbs felt like jelly and he wasn’t sure in his movements. He watched instead as the condom stretched over Blaine’s cock and as he slowly pumped more lube over himself. 

Then Blaine was leaning closer and taking Kurt’s mouth with his. They kissed sweetly and deeply. Blaine pulled back whispering words of adoration in Kurt’s ear. He felt the blunt head of Blaine’s thick cock push insistently against his hole. Kurt bore down on it until finally, slowly Blaine entered him. Kurt felt fuller than he ever had before and yet Blaine still had more to give him. Blaine dragged back against his rim only to push in again, further still. Back and in, inch by inch Kurt took Blaine into his body. When Blaine was fully seated Kurt lay there panting. 

“Are you okay?” Blaine asked. 

Kurt looked at him in awe for a moment before nodding, unable to speak. Blaine kissed him and soon Kurt needed him to move. He ground down on Blaine’s cock hoping he would get the message. And then Blaine started moving. Sparks shot through Kurt’s body as Blaine brushed against his prostate. Their bodies moved together as if they already knew exactly what the other needed. Kurt was getting close, but he needed Blaine faster and deeper. 

“I want to ride you,” Kurt gasped out. He whined at the loss when Blaine pulled out and sat with his back against the wall beside Kurt. 

Kurt enthusiastically straddled his lap. He took Blaine in his hand and then took him back into his body. He rode Blaine’s cock like he was made for it. At this angle he could feel him so deep and could make it so Blaine’s cock hit him just right with every thrust. Kurt’s breath was coming out in shallow huffs as the edged closer and closer to his release. He grabbed Blaine’s hands, placing them on his hips. He threw his head back, his body’s long lines of muscles intent on pleasure. Like a bomb exploding Kurt came with a sudden shout shooting ribbons of cum across their chests. Blaine’s grip tightened on Kurt’s hips and he thrust deep into Kurt one last time before grunting Kurt’s name with his own release. They collapsed on each other, their breath coming in short gasps. Blaine’s nose nudged Kurt’s chin up. First he kissed gently on Kurt's neck before licking his way into his mouth. 

Kurt slowly pulled off Blaine’s softening cock, hissing at the soreness that was already setting in. Blaine maneuvered him until he was laying down. From out of the bag he produced a wet wipe. Blaine cleaned them up, and disposed of the condom. He then nudged them under the covers where they lay intertwined. Kurt rested his head on Blaine’s chest and listened as his heart rate slowed. He kissed gently at the spot. 

“Stay the night, please.” He whispered. 

“Anything you want.”Blaine promised. 

“A nap and then lunch?” Kurt asked. 

Blaine hugged Kurt before saying, “perfect.” Kurt didn't think he was just talking about the plan for the day. 

  
  



	9. Chapter 8

Kurt woke up on his stomach, one arm slung over Blaine’s chest, who was tracing patterns absentmindedly on Kurt’s bare back. He hummed in appreciation at the feel and snuggled in closer to Blaine.

“How long have you been awake?” he whispered into the dimly lit room. 

With the curtain closed he had no way of knowing what time it was, he couldn’t even remember where in the world his phone was. 

Blaine kissed the top of his head before he spoke, “A little while. I didn’t want to wake you. I figured you needed your rest.”

“Are you hungry?” Kurt asked.

“Ready to go again?” Blaine teased. 

In retaliation for the remark, Kurt rolled onto his side and started tickling Blaine with his free hand. “That wasn’t what I was talking about and you know it.”

Blaine laughed and captured Kurt's hand with his. He brought it to his lips and kissed it gently. First on the tips of each finger. 

“I. Know. What. You. Meant.”

And then the palm. 

“But.” He moved down and kissed Kurt’s wrist. 

“Kurt?”

Then it hit him what Blaine must have seen there. He tried to pull his hand away, but Blaine’s grip was strong. Instead he sat up and looked away from Blaine. 

“It’s nothing.”

Blaine sat up as well and reached for Kurt’s other hand. He pulled it out of reach. 

Instead, Blaine gently turned Kurt’s face to look at him. Kurt closed his eyes. He wasn’t ready to see the disappointment he knew he would find there. 

“Kurt, when- please talk to me.” Blaine pleaded, sounding hurt. 

“It was a long time ago.” 

Blaine kissed his cheek, “Talk to me.”

“I told you before I don’t want you to be my therapist.” Kurt growled snatching his hand from Blaine’s. 

He looked at Blaine, ready to be mad, ready to fight. Blaine just looked sad. 

“I love you, Kurt. I want to know everything about you, the good and the bad. Please don’t shut me out.”

Kurt felt so small. “I’m not. I won't. It’s- It’s not something I talk about.” He sighed. “Let me be the little spoon? I can’t do it if I look at you.”

Blaine nodded, laying down and opening his arms to Kurt. Kurt snuggled his back into Blaine’s body letting his warmth envelop him. Blaine pulled up the blanket, shielding them from the world. 

“I was 17. High school was  _ bad _ . Glee club wasn’t even the bottom of the totem pole, it was the ground underneath it. The jocks made it their mission to make all our lives hell, but after I came out, they mainly focused on me.” Kurt paused and then felt gentle kisses on the back of his neck. The simple touch was enough to urge Kurt on. 

“This one kid made it his mission to come after me whenever he saw me. It was constant but no one ever did anything to make it stop. One day I tried to stand up for myself. I followed him into the locker room and ripped him a new one. He pinned me against the locker and kissed me.”

“Kurt.” Blaine breathed. He gripped Kurt tighter to him. 

“I fought him off before anything else could happen. But then he started threatening my life. I didn’t think it could get worse but it did. He was relentless. The other guys in glee tried to stop it but nothing worked. It all came to a head just before my dad and Carole’s wedding. My dad saw something and asked me about it. He tried to get my step brother Finn to tell him what was going on. I told him about the death threats.”

“Did they do anything?” Blaine whispered against Kurt’s head. 

Kurt nodded, “We went to the principal and she expelled him. But then right after my parents left for their honeymoon, Sylvester called me into her office and told me that the school board overturned his expulsion. All I could think about was how it was going to start again and I couldn’t face it, I couldn’t keep living like that.”

Tears burned at his eyes as he continued. “I left school and went home. I downed a couple of my dad's beers and then went to his room. That was where he kept my mom’s old dresser. It still smelled of her perfume. I laid some blankets down on the floor of the closet next to it. I remember wanting to be close to her one last time. I took a razor-”

Blaine kissed his shoulder as it shook with silent tears. 

“Finn found me. He was worried about me when I didn’t show up for glee club. I tried to fight him off but he was so much bigger than me and I was weak. I spent weeks in the hospital, in the psych ward.”

Kurt gave a humorless laugh. “The bullies stopped after that. Karofsky couldn’t even look at me. He tried to apologize later but- I mean- I know he was scared that I would out him, but that was no excuse for how he behaved.”

Kurt rolled over and looked deep in Blaine’s eyes. “I’m so much better now. Besides my slip up in Detroit, I haven’t had anything close to that since.”

“That was what you were dealing with? I wish you had said something.” Blaine said, cupping Kurt’s cheek. 

“I just dwelled on the past, the pain I was in then and tried to use it in the show but I wasn’t even close to where I was then.”

Blaine kissed him sweetly. “I am so glad you are here.”

They laid in bed trading lazy kisses taking solace in the other for a while before getting up to find something to eat. They took turns showering, knowing in the end it would be quicker than sharing. While Blaine showered, Kurt opened his closet door. It was almost overwhelming the vast number of options available to him after living out of one suitcase. He giddily pieced an outfit together. 

He showered quickly but took the time to really style his hair. He felt free after sharing his past with Blaine. He didn’t think he would but it helped knowing Blaine didn’t judge him.  _ He loves me,  _ Kurt thought, smiling to himself in the mirror. 

When Kurt emerged, Blaine looked at him with wide eyes. Kurt knew he looked different than Blaine normally saw him, but he was surprised by his reaction. 

“Meet Kurt Hummel when he gets to be himself with no trace of Evan Hansen to be found.” Kurt laughed. 

Blaine pulled him into a lustful kiss. He pulled back and said, “Wonderful to finally see you Mr. Hummel.”

Kurt playfully hit Blaine’s shoulder, “Come on let's find food.”

They walked the block around Kurt’s apartment scoping out what was around. Without even having to cross the street they found a health food store, Chinese, Egyptian, Indoniesian, Pizza, BBQ, and a Steakhouse. After walking the block, they decided on Siri Thai just across the street from Kurt building. 

They sat at Kurt’s little table and ate together. 

“So where is Finn?” Blaine asked before taking another bite. 

Kurt froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. He lowered his fork. It almost felt like a punch to the gut. How could Blaine not know? Kurt shook his head trying to clear it. 

“He died, not long after I moved to New York. A horrible accident. It’s one of the reasons my parents ended up moving.”

“Oh god, I am so sorry.” Blaine exclaimed, grabbing his hand. 

Kurt smiled sadly, “You didn’t know. I just- I forget that people don’t know. I just can’t believe I told you all about my mom, but I never mentioned Finn.”

As they continued their meal, Kurt regalled Blaine with stories of Finn Hudson. 

Once they finished eating, Blaine excused himself to run to his apartment to pick up clothes for the next day. When he was gone Kurt wandered his apartment not sure what to do with himself. It had been so long since he had had so much free time and in a city he knew so well. He opened each door again, hoping there would be something he could do, but Carole had done an excellent job of organizing things. He toyed with the idea of unpacking his suitcase, but he hoped Blaine would be back before he could finish. He did open the drawer to the filing cabinet and set the lube and condoms in there. Later, he promised himself he would buy a nice decorative box to put them in instead. It hadn’t even been 30 mins since Blaine left, before there was a knock on the door. 

He pulled the door open, surprised to see Blaine standing there with a garment bag, satchel and a huge grin on his face. 

“My apartment is only about a 10 min walk from here.” 

Kurt returned his smile. “I knew logically we had to be near each other, I mean Hell’s Kitchen and The Garment District are close. Honestly I chose it because the layout was amazing, and it is only a 9 minute walk down 45th to get to the Music Box.”

“Can I hang my suit up?” Blaine asked, raising the garment bag.

Once Blaine’s suit was hung in Kurt’s closet, his satchel on the floor underneath. They settled in on the couch and cuddled up watching a movie. Kurt relished in the simplicity of having Blaine leaning against his chest, their legs tangled as they watched the story unfold on the screen. 

They cooked dinner together in the small kitchen as music played from Kurt’s TV. He giggled at Blaine’s exuberant dance moves as he moved around the space chopping vegetables. Blaine sang along with abandon and it was the sweetest sound Kurt could ever recall. He laughed with the joy of it. 

“Hey we can’t all be Broadway bound,” Blaine pouted. 

Kurt kissed the pout away, leaving Blaine breathless. “Who needs Broadway, you are my star.” He whispered. 

As they sat eating, Blaine gave him a serious look. “I was thinking earlier, and you can say no if you want. No pressure at all, but- How would you feel about coming and speaking at my groups sometime? Telling your story? I think it could help a lot of my kids.”

Kurt put down his fork, a knot forming in his stomach. “I don’t know. It’s personal.”

“Just think about it, that is all I ask.” Blaine said, taking his hand. “I would never ask you to do something that you are uncomfortable with. Those kids, I think it would help them to know that someone else has felt that way and come out better and stronger.”

“They have you,” Kurt deflected. 

Blaine shrugged, “I don’t really talk about myself in group. I don’t even know if most of them realize I’m gay. My experience was completely different. I was sheltered at a private school with a strict no bullying policy.”

Kurt gave him a searching look for a minute and then resolved himself, “I will come talk to them, if you introduce me as your boyfriend. Do you know how much it would have meant to me to have a therapist who I knew was gay? I’m not saying tell them your life story, but at least in a subtle way let them know. Plus I think that it will help them know that they can be loved even if they have a hard time loving themselves.”

Blaine stared at him for a moment before smiling, “Deal. maybe next week we can combine the groups so you only have to tell it once. I will check with them this week. Does that work?” 

Kurt nodded, picked up his fork and began eating with gusto. Suddenly the idea of helping kids with his own story seemed like the best idea ever. 

Dinner finished, they stood side by side washing and drying the dishes. As Kurt handed Blaine the last cup, he accidentally on purpose splashed water all down his front. He gave Blaine a mischievous grin saying “oops”

Blaine gasped and set the cup on the counter. Kurt could see the revenge in his eyes and took off down the hall Blaine hot on his heels. He had just made it into the bedroom and was turning to close the door when arms encircled his waist. Kurt abruptly turned around laughing. 

“Why in the world would you do that?” Blaine laughed. 

“So I could do this,” Kurt said before taking Blaine’s shirt in his hand and removing it. 

Before Blaine could say a word, Kurt kissed him, nipping at his lip. 

“You don’t need an excuse to do that.” he sighed when Kurt started nibbling his way down Blaine’s neck. 

Kurt traced his tongue around Blaine’s nipple, blew air on it and then whispered, “I know, but it was fun.”

He pushed back until Blaine was against the wall. He took his time kissing his chest, swatting Blaine’s hands away when he tried to touch him. He inched his way down Blaine’s body. He knelt at his feet, and slowly unfastened his pants and let them fall, pooling around his ankles. He learned every inch of Blaine he could before taking him in his mouth. 

He looked up as he sucked Blaine’s cock deep into his mouth, watching Blaine’s head thump against the wall with a low moan. Kurt used his hands to trace the muscles up Blaine’s legs before cupping his balls gently. He rolled them around in his hands as he continued to work his cock with his mouth. Kurt snaked his other hand behind Blaine. His finger traced lightly against Blaine’s hole. 

“Kurt-” Blaine begged. 

Kurt pulled back, letting Blaine’s dick slip from his lips, “Go lay down on the bed. I’ll take care of you.”

He watched as Blaine walked naked across the room, watching his muscles shift as he moved. He laid down on the bed, his eyes never leaving Kurt’s form. Slowly Kurt began unbuttoning his shirt, Blaine palmed himself, his gaze never wavering. 

Kurt let the shirt fall to the floor behind him. His hands went to the waist of his pants. He popped the buttons of the fly one by one. Feeling like a tease he turned his back to Blaine as he pushed the pants off his ass. He stood and used his feet to completely remove them. Kurt turned, his cock tenting the front of his underwear. He lazyly cupped himself, feeling the blood rushing underneath his palm seeing Blaine waiting for him. Languidly, Kurt rid himself of his last stitch of clothing. 

Kurt walked slowly to the end of the bed. He reached forward and grabbed each of Blaine’s legs, pulling Blaine to the edge of the bed. Blaine sat up in surprise. Kurt took the opportunity to kiss him before he could say a word. Blaine melted into the kiss, letting Kurt keep control. 

Kurt pulled away and Blaine watched him as he walked to the cabinet and grabbed the lube and condom. He walked back to Blaine and with one hand pushed him back against the bed. He knelt once again, grabbed each of Blaine’s feet, placing them spread on the bed. 

First Kurt nosed the crease where Blaine’s leg met his ass. As his hands reached up to spread his cheeks, Blaine took each knee in his hand, pulling them back, opening himself to Kurt. Kurt took the invitation readily. He licked a swipe up and over Blaine’s hole who gave a surprised gasp at the feel. 

“Oh god.” He panted. 

Kurt repeated the motion suddenly understanding why so many people found this so hot. He continued to lick at Blaine whose response made Kurt burn with desire. Finally, experimentally, Kurt probed his hole with his tongue. At first all he felt was resistance, and then he gave way, letting Kurt slip in. He swirled his tongue as he opened the bottle of lube. 

Kurt sat back on his heels. 

“I’ve never-” Blaine whined. 

“Me neither, never wanted to until now.” Kurt breathed. 

He poured lube on his fingers, slowly circled them around Blaine’s hole and then watched in amazement as one finger slipped in with ease. 

“You are amazing, did you know that?” Kurt asked as he watched his finger fuck into Blaine’s body with no resistence. 

A long low groan was all the reply Blaine could give him. 

Kurt pulled his finger out and slid two back in. He took longer to prepare Blaine than necessary, Blaine's body readily accepted him, but it was too fascinating to watch. Blaine was begging before Kurt gave in and let three fingers enter him. 

Kurt nibbled Blaine’s leg as he watched his fingers spread him ever wider, more open. 

“Kurt, I love you but if I don’t have you in my ass soon, I may die.” Blaine moaned. 

Only then did Kurt let himself feel the hot and heavy pulse of his cock as it dripped precum on his thigh. He stood, grabbed the condom and groaned at the feel as he rolled the condom down himself and applied more lube. Blaine was propped up on his elbows watching him. Kurt grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him into a frantic kiss. 

He pulled back, took himself in his hand and slowly began to push in. He had to will himself not to come at the exquisite tightness and heat that was Blaine’s body. He watched as Blaine arched his back as slowly he was filled with Kurt’s length. It seemed like an eternity before Kurt was fully seated, Blaine was humming a low earthy sound. He watched as Blaine’s chest rose and fell, his head lolling from side to side as Kurt made small circles with his hips. He could feel his shaft rubbing against the nub of nerves deep inside Blaine with every tiny movement. 

Finally Blaine begged, “Please,” a long low sound. 

Only then did Kurt properly move. He placed one of Blaine’s feet on his shoulder and began to make slow long deep thrusts. He wanted so desperately to make Blaine feel good, he took his time not worrying about his own release. “Harder,” Blaine gulped. 

Kurt thrust harder into Blaine’s body, sparks shooting through him. He needed more, he needed to kiss Blaine to touch Blaine. He put a knee on the bed beside Blaine’s ass, leaning forward to capture his lips. Blaine sat up as much as he could to meet him. Their mouths met in a sloppy uncoordinated kiss. Neither seemed to care. The change of angles seemed to be just what Blaine needed as his noises grew more desperate and insistent. Kurt nipped at his neck leaving a tiny mark behind. He stood up straight again. Blaine reached out his hand. Their hands clenched together, Kurt sped his movements as Blaine’s cries became wilder and wilder. His back arched a beautiful bow, before he gave one finally shout. His cock twitched as it released its load, splattering his chest. 

Seeing Blaine come so beautifully, Kurt let himself fully feel his own pleasure and with a cry of Blaine’s name, Kurt came. He barely caught himself on the bed as his legs tried to give out on him. 

Blaine was smiling sweetly and sleepily up at him. “I love you.” 

Kurt shared the smile with him. “I love you too. Let me clean you up.”

Once they both were clean and everything was disposed of. Kurt crawled into bed. 

“I get to be the little spoon tonight.” Blaine whispered. 

Kurt kissed him gently, “Anything you want, ever.”

He pulled Blaine to his chest, pulled the covers over them and let sleep take them. 

  
  



	10. Chapter 9

At first it was nice having all the time in the world to himself to do whatever he wanted. Kurt didn’t have any obligations for 4 whole weeks. At first it seemed like a godsend. However, Blaine still had patients to see, and groups to run, and there was only so much time that Kurt could spend reorganizing his apartment before he thought he would go mad. He did get to spend his evenings with Blaine. He would come over to Kurt’s when his day was through. After only 3 days on his own, Kurt thought he was going to lose his mind. 

He called up a few old friends and arranged a lunch date for Friday. Sitting at their old cafe, trading show gossip and stories made it seem like no time had passed. The more they talked the more he realized how much he had missed while on the road.

“Wait,” Kurt said, interrupting Bryant's story, “Since when does Michaela have a baby?”

Bryant looked at him like he had two heads, “How did you miss that drama? She had just booked The Prom when she found out. They didn’t need a pregnant teen so she only got to perform for a few months until she started showing. She was Emma’s understudy and never got to go on as her.”

Kurt shook his head.

“Have you seen Malcolm since you’ve been back?” Rachel asked, leaning forward, a strange look of sympathy on her face. 

Kurt shook his head again, “No, why would I?” 

“Well, I mean you only broke up because you were going on tour. I thought you might want to rekindle your relationship now that you are back.” She looked so earnest Kurt hated to break it to her.

“Is that what he told people?” Kurt asked, He really needed to assess the situation before he said more. 

“Well, of course. Isn’t that what happened?” Alvin asked. 

“Not really. It was more than the tour. It had been coming for a while. I guess it did all come to a head because he didn’t support me going on tour, but there were problems before that.” Kurt tried to explain. 

“Like what? You two were always so good together.” Rachel exclaimed. 

“The biggest would be I wasn’t in love with him. I think part of me wanted to be and that was why I stayed with him so long.” Kurt said looking away. He felt bad admitting it out loud to their friends. He understood why Malcolm didn’t tell them the truth. 

Rachel looked sad, “But he was so happy when he heard you were back in New York. I thought maybe-”

“Please tell me you didn’t invite him Rachel.” Kurt demanded. 

“If I had known-” she began. 

Almost as if on cue Malcolm walked up to their table. “Hey, Kurt.”

“Hi, Malcolm.” Kurt answered quietly. 

“Do you mind if I join you?” he asked tentatively.

Kurt opened his mouth to say it probably wasn’t a great idea when Rachel spoke over his objection. “Of course, the more the merrier. Kurt was just telling us about how it has been coming home.”

Kurt shot her a deadly look before speaking, “It has been wonderful. I love my new apartment and I have gotten to spend every night with Blaine so far. Although with him working during the day I have been trying to find things to do until I start in the show.”

“I could-” Malcolm began before Rachel asked the question he knew she would. 

“Who’s Blaine?”

Kurt’s smile was genuine when he said, “My boyfriend. He is the most amazing person I have ever met. We met on tour and we just clicked. I can honestly say that I have never felt this close to anyone ever.”

“He’s an actor?” Alvin asked. 

Kurt laughed, “No, although, I think he could be if he wanted, he has a voice to die for. He is actually a psychologist. He helps people.” 

“Kurt, look at you, you are practically beaming. You have it so bad for him.” Rachel exclaimed, taking his hand. 

He shrugged one shoulder still not able to wipe the grin off his face. “I love him.” he said simply. 

Conversations turned to other gossip and his friends told him about classes they were taking at the moment. Kurt made note of them in his phone, happy at the prospect of getting back to honing his craft. 

They finished their meals and everyone began dwindling away. He wasn’t sure how it happened but soon Kurt found himself alone with only Malcolm at the table. 

“I should go,” he said, feeling uncomfortable. 

“Wait,” Malcolm said, grabbing his elbow. “Let me walk you out.”

“You don’t have to,” Kurt began.

“It was my polite way of saying I wanted to talk to you for a second.” Malcolm cut him off. 

Kurt stood up and they both walked towards the door. Once they were outside Malcom turned to him. “Are you really happy?” he asked surprising Kurt. 

“I am. I’m sorry that I couldn't be what you wanted. But I am happy. You know, for a while, I thought I was broken because I couldn’t make myself love you, not in the way you needed. I’m sorry. I should have ended it sooner, but I did like being with you and I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Malcolm nodded. “I guess I just hoped that distance would make the heart grow fonder.”

“You are a great guy and one day someone will see that and- I want you to be happy too.”

Malcolm just nodded again and walked off. Kurt watched him go a moment, feeling bad that he had to hurt the man again. He turned to make his way back home when he saw Rachel standing on the corner watching him. 

“I really wish you had warned me about that.” He scolded her as he approached.

Rachel shrugged, “If I had known the whole story I would have. You really never loved him?”

Kurt offered his arm to her as they crossed the street. “I tried, but no I never did. I mean, I thought he knew, I never told him. It’s not like I was lying to him.”

“And this Blaine guy?” Rachel asked looking up at him. 

Kurt laughed, “I can honestly say- I love him so much. He really is- special. Want to see a picture?” 

“I thought you would never ask,” Rachel squealed. 

He pulled out his phone and brought up one of the last pictures he took of them. They had walked past Times Square and taken selfies of them with the lights behind them, their faces close and smiles radiant. 

Rachel snatched his phone away and started swiping through his pictures. They had taken several in Times Square, they were laughing, kissing, smiling at each other. She swiped to the morning before, they were in bed together, bare chested their hair gloriously sex mussed with sleepy smiles on their faces. Kurt had taken it on a whim. 

He grabbed his phone from her and stuffed it into his pocket as she laughed at his red face. 

“Love looks good on you Kurt. I hope to see you Wednesday at my dance class.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek, extracted her arm from his and began walking toward the cross street. 

“I’m happy for you, but now I have to meet him.” She called back to him. 

Laughing Kurt continued on his way. 

Kurt was cooking dinner that night for the two of them when Blaine arrived with a bag for the weekend. Kurt kissed him long and slow, “I missed you”, he mumbled against Blaine’s lips. 

Blaine smiled as he answered, “I missed you, too. Everything is all set up for tomorrow. Are you sure you want to do it?”

Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine’s neck, not willing for there to be any more space between them yet. “As long as you are there.”

Kurt had to turn back to the food to make sure he didn’t burn it. Blaine wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his neck. “I will always be here for you. How was your day?”

Kurt told him about his lunch with Rachel, Bryant and Alvin. 

“The only thing was, Rachel invited my ex without telling me. That was awkward.” 

Blaine pulled back, and Kurt missed his touch. “Awkward how?” Blaine asked evenly.

Kurt turned around, grabbing Blaine by the waist and pulling him closer. 

“Awkward, as in I think he wanted to reconnect but I shot him down before he could say anything by mentioning my insanely hot, wildly intelligent boyfriend who I love more than anything.” He kissed Blaine softly on the lips. “I never loved him, never once uttered those words to him in the year we were together. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about.”

“Not once?” Blaine asked, kissing Kurt again. 

Kurt hummed in appreciation. “I never even signed anything love. I don’t throw around that word lightly, besides family I have told a total of 2 guys I loved them. One was my first boyfriend, when I came to New York, who took my virginity and then took off and the other was you.”

Blaine looked at him for a moment, his eyes misty, “Then I am truly honored. I love you, Kurt, and I’m going to keep on loving you as long as you let me.”

Their kiss made Kurt's toes curl in the most delightful way. He hated having to pull away to save their food from burning. 

Saturday morning Kurt dressed meticulously, not wanting anything to be out of place. He fixed his hair with care, eyeing himself in the mirror before emerging from the bathroom. 

Blaine was sitting on the couch reading a book. He was dressed in a simple pair of jeans and button up shirt. He looked so much more casual than he did on a normal work day. 

“Is this okay?” he asked, spreading his arms to show Blaine his outfit. 

Blaine set down his book and looked intently at him, “You don't have to be so nervous. The kids are going to like you, no matter what. I promise they know it is a safe space and that goes for you too.”

“I should change then, is what you are saying.” Kurt said, turning around to search his closet once more. 

“No!” Blaine laughed. “You look amazing, I promise.”

Kurt turned back around, “I’m sorry when I am nervous I fixate on the things I can control. Right now that is my clothes.”

“Are you ready to go?” Blaine asked, “If we leave now we can stop for coffee on the way.”

Kurt stood next to Blaine as the room began to fill up. The chairs were set in rows. Blaine said there were too many of them with the groups combined to place them in a circle like usual. Kurt watched as the kids greeted each other, hugs and highfives exchanged. He was starting to relax when Blaine checked his watch. 

“Almost time,” Blaine whispered, looking around the room. “Looks like everyone is here. I’ll call the meeting to order and then it’s all you. Okay?”

Kurt nodded afraid that if he opened his mouth he would vomit. As Blaine walked away Kurt suddenly wondered why in the world he had agreed to this. Even when he was in the hospital he never shared all the details in group therapy. He had never told a group of people his story ever, and now Blaine expected him to tell all these kids. He took a deep breath, pushing the panic down. He could do this. It was important to do this. Every night on tour he had spread the message that no one deserved to disappear. He needed to share his story, not just Evans. 

Blaine held up his hand to the chattering teenagers and the noise began to die down. “Okay guys, I told you all this week in group that if you came today I would have a very special speaker for you. Remember all rules still apply, even though these aren’t our normal groups. We will be respectful of others' stories and what is said here, stays here.”

The group all nodded their heads like they didn’t need reminding of the rules. 

“I talk a lot about how everyone has a story and their journey is unique to them, but we all can learn something from each other's stories. I would like to invite a person very special to me to share his story with you. I would like to introduce to you, my boyfriend, Kurt.”

Blaine held his hand out presenting Kurt to the group. He could hear whispers as what he had said sunk in the group. Blaine took a seat in front of the group beside where Kurt stood. Kurt took one more steadying breath before opening his mouth. 

“I know normally anonymity is important in groups like this, but I want you to know  _ me _ , not just my first name. My name is Kurt Hummel, I am gay and when I was 17 I tried to kill myself.” He waited looking around the group as his words sunk in. 

“I was blessed with a wonderful and supportive father. He wasn’t always perfect, but he always tried. I had a few friends but life wasn’t easy. I grew up in Ohio, which, let me tell you is not a gay mecca and I endured a lot of hate on a daily basis. When you are treated like garbage everyday, it is hard not to feel like you are. It wore me down, but I was doing okay.”

The room was silent, their attention all on Kurt. 

“Then things got worse. I was sexually assaulted. I tried for a long time not to think of it in those terms, it was just a kiss, but no matter how you look at it that is what it was. A closeted football player, took my first kiss from me in a locker room after tormenting me for months. In his fear of who  _ he  _ was, he escalated, threatening my life on multiple occasions if I told. But I always have and always will believe it is important to allow people to come out when they are ready. I never intended to tell. It didn’t matter how much I told him this, he became relentless. When I finally told my dad about the death threats, he took it to the principal and the kid was expelled.’

He saw many in the group sigh in relief. 

“But that wasn’t the end. If it was I might not be here talking to you about  _ my  _ experience. You see, in the moment that my dad, my biggest supporter, was gone, I was told that my word wasn’t good enough to expel another student and he would be returning to school. This was something at the time I couldn’t face. I thought it would be easier if I just  _ wasn’t  _ anymore. I was lucky my step brother cared for me, even though the two of us had our issues in the past. He knew something was up, he knew that I needed help and he came to find me. I’m here today because he found me.”

He let his words hang for a moment before continuing. 

“I regret trying to kill myself. Not only did I hurt myself but I hurt my friends and family. I missed out on opportunities I was looking forward to. In the end, things did change at school, but there were other ways I could have brought about those changes. “

He looked at a boy who was wiping tears from his face. “Each and every one of you are strong enough and you deserve to be here. The world is a better place because you are in it. Because  _ I  _ am here, because someone found me in time, I get to spread a message almost every night about how no one deserves to be forgotten.”

“How?’ A voice said. 

Kurt looked around trying to find who said it but couldn’t. “I’m an actor. I just finished a tour of Dear Evan Hansen and will be taking over the role here in New York in a few weeks. But my job doesn't mean that my life is more important than any of yours. I know it is hard, and sometimes it feels like things will never be okay. I promise, as cliche as it sounds, it does get better. 7 years ago, I couldn’t imagine I would be doing what I love, that someone would love me for me, that I would be living in the city of my dreams. But I have it, every bit of it. You can too. You just have to hold on and fight for it.”

He looked over at Blaine. He didn’t know what else he could say.

“Are there any questions?” Blaine asked the group. 

There was a smattering of questions, Kurt was surprised how respectful they were. He answered each as honestly as he could. 

Finally Blaine said, okay last question. Then one young man at the back tentatively raised his hand. There were others but Kurt pointed to him. 

“I don’t know the show, can you share something with us? Maybe?”

“I don’t think it-” Blaine started. 

“It’s okay Blaine. Honestly, it would be an honor, let me just find-” He pulled out his phone and found a backing track. YouTube has everything you could hope for. 

Out of all the songs he could sing, there was only one that he thought they needed to hear. He pushed play and sang  _ You Will Be Found. _

He looked at each person as he sang. Singing to them. Where the dialogue would normally begin he turned the track off. Their applause meant more to him than an entire theatre. 

It took them longer to leave than Kurt would have imagined. A lot of the kids wanted to stay and talk . Kurt tried to make time for each of them. It was getting dark when they were ready to leave. 

“Want to come to my place?” Blaine asked, “It’s just around the corner.”

Kurt took his hand and nodded. He hadn’t been to Blaine’s place yet and he was anxious to see it in real life. A door man let them into the building and they rode up the elevator to Blaine’s apartment. It was much larger than Kurt’s, open and elegant in a way his wasn’t. 

“Wow,” he breathed. 

“Just so you know,” Blaine said, “I like your place better.”

“Why?” Kurt asked incredulously.

“Because you're in it.” Blaine said with a smile. 

Kurt kissed him, “Well I'm in yours now.”

“Is that a promise?” Blaine asked, wagging his eyebrows. 

Kurt playfully hit him in the shoulder, “Well, not until after you feed me. I am not that cheap.”

“Take out okay?” Blaine asked. 

They snuggled on Blaine’s couch as they waited for their food to arrive and Kurt couldn’t help but think how perfect this was; being here with Blaine. He kissed him long and sweetly pouring in all the love he had. 

“What was that for?” Blaine asked. 

“For finding me.” Kurt said simply, leaning in for another kiss. 

  
  



	11. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last bit. If you want to see where Kurt's apartment is, go to my Tumblr. My user name Kurtswish.

The buzz of the crowd ebbed and flowed in anticipation. Blaine felt more nervous than he ever had before, even when he was set to perform. The feeling ate at him, he fumbled with something to do with his hands. He started to roll his program, but stopped himself. He wanted this momento, always. 

A large hand clapped him on the back. “Calm down, you look like you are going to be sick,” a gruff voice said from beside him. 

“Mr Hummel,” he squeaked before standing. 

“Want to scoot over there?’ Mr Hummel asked. 

Blaine nodded before moving down so the Hummels could sit. He was a little surprised that Mr Hummel took the seat next to him. They had met over brunch earlier that day before Kurt had to come to the theatre for a quick rehearsal. He still wasn’t sure what the man thought of him. Blaine just wanted Kurt's family to like him. 

Burt leveled him with a steady gaze. “What has you so nervous, he’s done this hundreds of times? Way I see it, it’s just a different building.”

Blaine laughed, of course Mr Hummel would only see it as just a different building. However, it wasn’t the building that was the issue for Blaine either. 

He looked around the crowd for a moment before speaking. “I know he can do it, that isn’t the problem. He is amazing. I just don’t know how I am going to do it.”

Mr Hummel sighed, “It isn’t easy watching someone you care about fall apart on stage. I get it. You just have to remember that it really isn’t him up there. Works for me.”

Mrs Hummel leaned over her husband, “Don’t let Burt fool you, he has cried every time we have seen this show. It’s hard, especially knowing his past, but Kurt is strong. It helps when you can hug him after.”

Mr Hummel grumbled in his seat, “I’m not the only one crying.”

The sound of a cell phone ringing filled the air. Blaine took a deep breath, and watched as the man he loved became someone else for a while. 

If Blaine thought the show touched him the first time he saw it, it was nothing like seeing Kurt embody the story so completely. By the time the show ended, he was a blubbering mess, matched only by the two people seated beside him. As the lights went up and the cast came out for their bows, he clapped as hard as he could in appreciation. When Kurt emerged on stage, Blaine, and the Hummels stood up, the first to cheer. Kurt’s eyes flashed to where they sat and his smile was radiant. He blew a kiss in their direction before taking his bow. 

Blaine stood at the stage door with Mr and Mrs Hummel. They watched together as the cast chatted, took selfies and signed playbills. It wasn’t long before Kurt opened the stage door. 

Blaine was mesmerized at the confidence Kurt displayed, he knew all the compliments made him slightly uncomfortable, but the fans couldn’t tell. He slowly made his way down the line, making sure not to skip anyone.

At the end of the mass, Blaine waited with Kurt’s parents. He stood to the side as Kurt hugged them and chatted for a moment. 

“We should get going, we have a train to catch,” Mr Hummel said reluctantly. 

Blaine was surprised when both Mr and Mrs Hummel pulled him into a hug. 

“You two come visit whenever you get a chance,” Mrs Hummel whispered in his ear. 

Kurt and Blaine stood for a moment watching them walk away. 

“Come back to my place?” Kurt asked, taking Blaine’s hand. 

He raised Kurt’s hand to his lips, “Want to stop for food first?”

“Can we get cheesecake?” Kurt smiled. 

Blaine kissed him gently, “Well, there  _ is _ always room for cheesecake.”

Together they walked hand-in-hand down a street in New York. Blaine couldn’t help but think, with Kurt by his side, it would be a great day, and great month, a great year and a great life. 

  
  



End file.
